Sport & Fitness

BBC

Anchor: Gary Lineker
Footballing ability: One of the World Cup’s greatest-ever strikers. 9/10
Verbal dexterity: Normally faultless, but looked all at sea during his golf debut at the Masters this year. 6
Charisma: Witty and likeable with more or less everyone. 7
Special Attribute: Can destroy a bag of Golden Wonder with his full-bore grin. 7

Total: 29/40

Pundit: Alan Hansen
Footballing ability: Just count all the medals. 8/10
Verbal dexterity: Chews and slurs sentences as if constantly disgusted. 6
Charisma: So popular that his mobile has been known to go off live on air. 8
Special Attribute: Mysterious Harry Potter-esque scar. 7

Total: 29/40
Feature continues

Total: 19/40

Co-Commentator: Mark Lawrenson
Footballing ability: No frills defender, no frills pundit. 5/10
Verbal dexterity: Good, especially when he’s talking over / interrupting someone, which is often. 7
Charisma: Depends if you find being occasionally patronised charismatic. 4
Special Attribute: Unfortunately he shaved it off four years ago. 2

Total: 18/40

Dogsbody: Adrian Chiles
Footballing ability: No, none that we know of. 0/10
Verbal dexterity: Makes the Brummie accent sound urbane. 8
Charisma: Loads, so why’s he doing the highlights again? 9
Special Attribute: Fearlessness in the face of Alan Sugar. 8

Total: 25/40

Wild Card: Leonardo
Footballing ability: Brazilian and a World Cup winner – say no more. 10/10
Verbal dexterity: Excellent in Portuguese, not sure about English. 5
Charisma: Plenty, in an open-necked-shirt-and-chinos-type way. 8
Special Attribute: Can turn into a sword-wielding, masked turtle. 9

Total: 32/40

ITV1

Anchor: Steve Rider
Footballing Ability: Prefers golf, but looks in decent nick. 1/10
Verbal Dexterity: Mr Smooth. Steady and unruffled, but a tad dull, although still enough to see off Gabby Logan. 7
Charisma: Lynam’s successor in all but leonine sex appeal. And facial hair. 6
Special Attribute: Pronounces ‘this’ as ‘thiz’. 1

Total: 15/40

Pundit: Ally McCoist
Footballing Ability: A prolific goalscorer, albeit in Scotland. 6/10
Verbal Dexterity: The best of a bad bunch in most shows he graces. 5
Charisma: Talked Robert Duvall into making a ‘soccer’ movie and Patsy Kensit into bed. 9
Special Attribute: Teflon-coated reputation. 8

Total: 28/40

Commentator: Clive Tyldesley
Footballing Ability: Heavy-set, but still able to outpace Ally McCoist over 50 yards. 1/10
Verbal Dexterity: Underrated, although impartiality and competence can seem to go out of the window when Man Utd are playing. 7
Charisma: The ‘funnies’ aren't funny. Should stick to being the straight man. 5
Special Attribute: Has to mention 1999 Champions’ League Final. 4

Total: 17/40

Co-commentator: David Pleat
Footballing Ability: Journeyman pro for Luton and Exeter. 4/10
Verbal Dexterity: Mangles well-worn phrases at will: ‘That would have put the icing on his start.’ 1
Charisma: Francis, Gross, Pleat, Graham, Hoddle. It was a dark time, both for Spurs and hacks after a decent quote. 2
Special Attribute: The Godfather of celebratory dances. Milla, Pardew, Crouch – it all started at Maine Road in 1983. 8

Total: 15/40

Dogsbody: Matt Smith
Footballing Ability: Had a few trials as a youngster. 2/10
Verbal Dexterity: Keeps it simple, but that may be for the benefit of his colleagues (El Tel, Robbie Earle, etc). 5
Charisma: What is it they say about nice guys? They finish with the highlights slot. 5
Special Attribute: Can seem invisible even when on screen. 9

Total: 21/40

Wild Card: Jay-Jay Okocha
Footballing Ability: Thrilling to watch (‘so good they named him twice’), but a sense of underachievement lingers. 8/10
Verbal Dexterity: Has played for club teams in Germany, Turkey, France, England and his native Nigeria, so something of a linguist. 7
Charisma: Admirably diplomatic about living and working in Bolton. 8
Special Attribute: A repertoire of tricks that makes Cristiano Ronaldo look like Andy Hinchcliffe. 9

Total: 32/40

Team Totals

BBC: 152
ITV: 128