Sport & Fitness

Fixture Croatia vs Australia,
June 23, 8pm.
Venue Cadogan Arms, 298 King’s Road, SW3 (020 7352 1645).
Population (home) 4.5 million.
Population (London) 2,000-3,000.
Stereotype Genial skinheads.
Stereotype (football) Physical, talented overachievers.
Trivia The necktie originated from silk scarves worn by Croatian soldiers.
Food Casseroles.
Drink Karlovaco beer. Feature continues

Marko went on to found the Croatian Students and Young Professionals Network (www.csypn.org.uk), a society now numbering 100 that organises film festivals, charity concerts and so on, and will be leading the celebrations of Croatia Day on Saturday at City Hall. He’s on hand throughout the game to buy drinks, explain the chants (‘Fight! Fight for your nation!’) and the shared history of the two countries on the pitch: thousands of Croatians migrated Down Under to escape Communism and find work after WWII; seven of the Australian squad are of Croatian ancestry.

This prompts conspiratorial speculation in the Cadogan Arms: why isn’t Australian striker Mark Viduka singing the national anthem? (Answer: Because it hasn’t started yet.) With Croatia needing a win, an early goal puts minds at rest and the crowd starts to enjoy the physical treatment meted out to Viduka. Given what’s at stake for me, however (£2 entry to the sweepstake; £40 first prize), I’m nervous and the tension builds. The Australians twice equalise and two red cards are brandished, before a Croatian player is somehow booked three times. Bizarre, certainly, but no more so than events in the pub, where a man dressed in a suit and a checked bandana unwittingly stubs his cigarette out on a neighbour’s neck in the excitement. His victim is too busy bellowing in emotional anguish to notice any physical pain, but it’ll smart in the morning. Somewhere amid the chaos the final whistle blows on a thrilling contest sending Australia through, disappointing a nation of millions, a packed pub in Chelsea and one Time Out journalist. No matter. The beer soon starts flowing again and I worry that two days’ recovery time may not be sufficient to prepare them for Ken Livingstone.

Where to watch…
Germany (vs Argentina, Fri, 8pm)
Oktoberfest Pub, 678-680 Fulham Rd, SW6 (020 7736 5293) Parsons Green tube.
Drink Paulaner (it’s a beer, not a Portuguese striker).
Why? With the Goethe-Institut fully booked, you could do wurst than this
beer hall in deepest Fulham.

Portugal (vs England, Sat, 4pm)
Estrella Bar, 111-115 South Lambeth Rd, SW8 ( 020 7793 1051) Vauxhall tube/rail.
Drink Sagres.
Why? Because the rest of the Portuguese community is in Notting Hill, and nobody wants to go there unless they have to.