Thriller Live

'We're here to party, right?' Are we? Who knew? 'Thriller Live' isn't, it transpires, a theatre show, it's 'X-Factor' with a single white glove. It's a medley of Wacko Jacko's greatest hits, burdened by unctuous narration claiming that the man who wrote 'What about elephants? Have we lost their trust?' is 'a visionary, a storytelling genius'. Theatricality extends to recreating some of Jackson's famous videos, but there's no 'Mamma Mia!'-style plot, nor - mercifully - any effort to tell the tale of Jackson's face-changing, elephant-saving life and his well-publicised legal scrapes.

The trouble with a Michael Jackson-themed party is that it's hard to think about that bizarre man without feeling sad. 'Thriller Live' ignores Jackson's dark side, and steamrollers melancholy with whipcracking pop songs, from The Jackson 5's irresistible 'I Want You Back' (sung by audience favourite, the 13-year-old Kieron Alleyne) via 'Beat It' up to 1988's 'Smooth Criminal'. For the latter, Jackson lookalike Ricko Baird dons the white suit and moonwalks around some '20s speakeasy - one of the show's more atmospheric routines, like a Jack Vettriano painting come to life. From here on in, the musical quality slumps, as Jackson's awful late-career catalogue (including the grisly 'Earth Song') is wheeled out with zero irony. 'His message of peace and world betterment is something we should all strive for,' runs the commentary, while images of JFK, Mandela and, er, Bono are screened upstage.

But there are prizes for suffering this pomposity. Denise Pearson, of Five Star fame, practically ravishes 'The Way You Make Me Feel', injecting a feline sexiness into Jackson's sexless oeuvre. John Moabi nails Jackson's hiccupping falsetto; Baird, meanwhile, has all the moves, and shows them off with a fine 'Billie Jean'. That said, had Jarvis Cocker shimmied onstage at any point to waggle his arse, 'Thriller Live' would have been immeasurably more thrilling.