Lies to tell tourists

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Londoners tweeted some great #londonliesfortourists – here are some of our favourites

Each week the 'Lies to tell tourists' slot in Time Out magazine invents new cruel and unjust ways to bamboozle visitors to London. We also created the #londonliesfortourists for our Twitter followers to dream up their own cheeky misdirections. We've compiled a list of our 20 of our favourite tweeted whoppers for your amusement below - but can you do better? Tweet us at @timeoutlondon or post your lies in the comments box.

© Abigail Lelliott

Hyde Park only has one corner, making it a mathematical phenomenon. (@TomGoodliffe)

When the organ starts in St Pauls Cathedral, the first couple on the dance floor win a prize(@davidconstable)

Elephant and Castle is a wonderful place with a safari park and an enchanted castle. (@mancunian)

Just take the stairs Just take the stairs

Pay for your tube journey by pushing your credit card into the slot at the ticket barrier. (@robmanuel)

Take the steps rather than the lift at Covent Garden Underground station - there aren't many and it's much quicker. (@OldBoyBaz)

When on the tube its customary to introduce yourself to the people sitting next to and opposite you. (@magiczebras)

If you're looking for love, you'll find many eligible, single ladies in King's Cross. (@TashyMcTashason)

When on a bus, it is customary to sing along to the music being played to you from the mobile phones of teenagers. (@johnbaldy)

Visit Hogwarts by running through the barrier between platforms nine and ten at Kings Cross station. (@mufcfans)

Renowned fridge seller, Selfridges Renowned fridge seller, Selfridges

The Queen does all announcements on the underground. (@bravenewmalden)

Barclays Bank will pay a £100 reward if you return any of the many bikes they have lost to one of their branches. (@politic_animal)

Red telephone boxes may be used as urinals in an emergency. (@CathyMcTavey)

Staff at Selfridges love being asked if they sell fridges. (@andylewisuk)

Can you hear the sea? Can you hear the sea?

Don't forget to go celebrity spotting in Wetherspoons. (@julianswainson)

You may hear youngsters talk about their affiliation to "ASBO". This stands for Altruistic Saintly Behaviour Order. (@mrglover glover)

The 2012 Olympics are in London, Texas, USA, not London, UK, don't you know? (@theidiotstamp)

If you put an Oyster card against your ear, you can hear the sea. (@TomGoodliffe)

Tranquil Oxford Street Tranquil Oxford Street - © Abigail Lelliott

Tourists are encouraged to identify themselves by going to Soho and telling people they are 'looking for a good time'. (@rivercassade)

Everyone in London loves it when you walk slowly. Oh, and randomly stop to take photos. (@mikeblakeney)

Escape the hustle and bustle of the city and go for a wander down the famously tranquil Oxford Street. (@Samincornwall)


Users say

45 comments
Abi
Abi

This is hilarious! There should be a YouTube series following what happens when you tell tourists these lies.

Abi
Abi

This is hilarious! There should be a YouTube series following what happens when you tell tourists these lies.

Enzo
Enzo

Good old Londoners, proud to be arseholes

@citylad09
@citylad09

If you want to board the tube you have to put your arm out and flag it down like you would a taxi.

Mel
Mel

Red bus drivers offer a discount when you pay your fare with a £50 note.

Eric
Eric

Really? These are the best you guys can do? When I lived in Alaska, the humdingers people would tell to tourists there could get the visitors killed. On the other hand, the bears ate rather well...

Jocelyn
Jocelyn

People find it amusing if you push in the queue at Sainsbury's in South London

Mireille
Mireille

On the elevators in the Underground stations, always stand on the left and don't move.

meg
meg

People will be really grateful if, should they leave their Metro behind, you run after them & return it to them.

Ian
Ian

Happy slapping is a tradition in Soho on weekends.

jm
jm

Used to work at the Chesire Cheese on Fleet Street and the mangager told an American tourist that the dragon that marks the boundary of the City was Queen Victoria's pet dragon, and when it died she had a statue erected in its memory. The bloke believed him, and that is a true story.

sam
sam

why so negative? as if London wasn't negative enough...

Van der Body
Van der Body

There is a small private shopping centre in Buckingham Palace. Which is why the street outside is called "The Mall".

Mauro Fasti
Mauro Fasti

To board a bus in London, you just need to press the palm of your hand on the reader.

Chas
Chas

Tell the tourists that when queens in the wedding cake faces the palace and when she's out it rotates and faces the mall

Mattrix
Mattrix

London is renowned for it's excellent customer service, great cuisine and the fantastic work ethic of the local Brits..

Hedgemist
Hedgemist

When using the Underground escalators, it is customary to stand on the LEFT and let people pass you on the RIGHT.....

Nat
Nat

The Thames is actually a lake - not a river!

Littlmouse
Littlmouse

River Thames is one of the best spots in the world for wind surfing...

Sad but true
Sad but true

If you’re looking for authentic English cuisine it’s a must to visit Brick Lane in East London.

Red Chilli
Red Chilli

if you can make the guards outside buckingham palace laugh,you will be invited in the palace for tea

Lucas...
Lucas...

Murry Mountain in Wimbledon is an active volcano

Wiv
Wiv

Gloucester Rd? No, I don't know where that... OH! You mean Glow-ses-ter Road! Yeah, take the District line west from here.

Mudzaa
Mudzaa

The Tube is a water pipe.

Guru Chahal
Guru Chahal

Londoners are so honest...they would never dream of misguiding tourists!

fiona
fiona

Here in Hawaii we sometimes get firsttime tourists asking if we take American dollars. We tell them no and they need to go to the bank to get Hawaiian dollars.

Jeff
Jeff

There are few public loos in London, so it is perfectly acceptable and, in fact, encouraged to water the flowers in the city's numerous gardens. YOU'RE IN for a special surprise.

Simon
Simon

The Oyster Card was developed by a company that also develops combat training system for the Armed Forces . Sometimes the wrong upgrade disks are sent out.

shammi huda
shammi huda

oxford & picadilly circuses only perform on alternative weekends & NEVER tip the clowns

Treva
Treva

It is pronounced "lie-chess-ter" square. Anyone who pronounces it "les-ter" is from France.

dan
dan

Thanks for warning me... Coming tomorrow. ;-)

OliK
OliK

Oyster cards can be used to pay for a whole range of things and not just your tube and bus rides

garfunkel(not the famous one)
garfunkel(not the famous one)

it is not wise to sit on the roof of trains in mumbai as conductors routinely slam on the breaks to throw vagrants off

Richard
Richard

"Red telephone boxes may be used as urinals in an emergency. " What? That IS true isn't it?

Trudi
Trudi

The last time St Paul's was covered in scaffolding for a spring clean 2 American tourists stopped a friend of mine to ask why. He explained that the street plan had changed in the intervening 400 years since it was built and the church no longer looked directly down Ludgate Hill as was intended by the architect. So they were jacking it up and moving it round.

Christin
Christin

A 5 pence coin is commonly known as fuppence.

Stuart de Vroome
Stuart de Vroome

Why do the cars go on the left side of the road? Because it's always too busy on the right.

Merikan
Merikan

Wow...... good to see that all the rumors and stereotypes about you Brits having the driest sense of humors is........ "not true". * laaaaaame*

fady
fady

it's easier to find a kebbab shop than a fish n' chips stall in london

paulrou
paulrou

Did you know that Londoners take pride in the current Mayor, Boris Johnson having a direct blood lineage to Dick Whittington, the first Mayor Of London? Because of this, it is the highest compliment that can be made about Johnson, to refer to him as 'a right Dick.'

Pedro Paulo F Cunha
Pedro Paulo F Cunha

Spanish speakers may find good time asking ladies for sex at "su...ssex"

Colin shelbourn
Colin shelbourn

Ha - I think you'll find it wasn't just Londoners who tweeted them. On the other hand: #LondonLiesforTourists Once you get outside London, nothing else exists