So, have you got your protractor? Clean shirt? Pencils sharpened? Done your summer homework? Then you're all ready. No wait, that's school isn't it? All you need to take in this lot is to turn up with your laughing face on. Goodo.
Manford's Comedy Club, Bierkeller, Thu Sept 3, £12.50
Brennan Reece has just returned from performing his début solo stand up show at the Edinburgh Fringe in a tent in the beer garden of a pub. It's like that the Fringe. And a fine début it was. Reece has an endearing childlike giddiness, spending 40 minutes exploring why he hasn't grown up – and we don't think he should. Malawian comic Daliso Chaponda, cheeky Geordie Matt Reed and former actor Paul Pirie complete the line up. Manford's comedy club also has dates at The Lowry on 18 and 19 performing in the Roundabout setting.
Laugh Local, Chorlton Irish Club, Fri Sept 4, £12 /£10 advance
The cosy monthly Friday night comedy club in the heart of Chorlton. Great line up as ever – there's musical comedy from Christian Reilly who was once a part of Rich Hall's band, skilled stand up and rap from Chris Turner, relative newcomer Chris Washington and the exuberant Dan Nightingale is your MC.
Group Therapy, Gorilla, Sat Sept 5, £12 (£10)
Hard to believe that GT is a fully formed walking and talking toddler now. We remember when it was burbling in its pram, but this month sees it celebrate its 3rd birthday. No surprise that it's a strong line up with Adam Buxton and his twiddly, techy funnies. Plus the brilliantly laid back one-liner merchant Gary Delaney.
Quippodrome, Gulliver's, Mon Sept 7, £4
Jack Evans, Jon Whiteley, Jayne Edwards and Edy Hurst present a monthly show combining sketch, stand up and character comedy. Plus a bit of music. And there's a support from thesp Randolph Tempest who bears an uncanny resemblance to Bolton's finest character comedian Peter Slater.
Trapdoor Comedy, The Old Monkey, Wed Sept 9, £3
Birthdays all around this month. Despite the name of the venue the comedy club at the Old Monkey is just a year old this month. As well as smearing itself with sponge cake there are ten acts - including multiple award winners - and a headline act in the form of the delectable Barry Dodds - as seen on BBC's 'Hebburn.' Don't forget the club's other gigs at The Railway, Didsbury and The Spinning Top in Stockport too.
Justin Moorhouse, The Lowry, Sun Sept 13, £18
Another Manchester son returning from the Edinburgh Fringe. Here Justin Moorhouse performs the very show he did there, 'Destiny Calling.' At 45 Moorhouse is taking the halfway point (yes he's knows he's being optimistic) to assess his life. Why hasn't he had a mid-life crisis? And how come he got to play for Man Utd at 43? Tales of hip ops and unfortunate incidents between Sandbach and Knutsford on the M6. He also performs the show on the Sept 24 as a part of the Saddleworth comedy weekend.
Hal Cruttenden, The Lowry, Sun Sept 13, £11-£13
Everyone's favourite middle class man Cruttenden rocks up to The Lowry with a video camera in his rucksack. He's chosen the venue to record his live DVD 'Tough Luvvie'. He'll be showcasing his new show 'Straight Out of Cruttenden' when he returns in November.
XSMalarkey, Pub/Zoo, Tue Sept 15, £3/£5
Continuing XS's propensity towards brilliant acts this week sees a performance from Canadian John Hastings. He's been slowly making waves since moving over here a few years ago, but he is a wonderful mix of bankable stand up with a quirky edge. With support from Tony Jameson, Jonathan Paylor and Nick Cranston. As ever, Toby Hadoke hosts.
Sham Bodie, Gullivers, Thu Sept 17, £5
This month the eclectic mix at the Bodies' is the somewhat misguided larger than life, live coach Ben Kewin. Plus performances from James Meehan and Will Duggan who are fresh (or recently traumatised) from appearing in Phil Ellis' twisted kids show Funz and Gamez Tooz. Charlotte Cannon provides the music, there's a hot dog and a game too. You can't go wrong with that.
Ani Mru-Mru, The Dancehouse, Fri Sept 18, £22
For those Polish speakers amongst you, or those that can't speak Polish and just enjoy being baffled for the full length of a show, this one's yours. Ani Mru-Mru are an acclaimed Polish sketch troupe perform their new show 'Skurcz.'
Boris and Sergey's Vaudevillian Adventure, The Lowry, Sun Sept 20, £12
Flabbergast Theatre present the two most foul-mouthed, dodgy-dealing Balkan puppets you've ever met. A hit at the Edinburgh Fringe a couple of years ago and at the Aussie festivals, the leather pair present an hour of skits, tricks and general shenanigans - maybe with just a little bit of help from four puppeteers.
Shits n Giggles, Antwerp Mansion, Sun Sept 20, Free
Amazingly in this quirky little club just off the main drag in Rusholme you can see, for absolutely nothing, one of the true stars of the comedy circuit. Former Corky and the Juice Pigs member Phil Nichol is a breathless, tour de force of an act. You'll be exhausted by this livewire by the time he's done with you. Matt Holland provides the support and resident compere is of course Roland Gent.
MACE, Kosmonaut, Fri Sept 24, £5
A few months back the comedian Will Franken came out as a transgender woman and is now known as Sarah Franken. Needless to say her comedy is just as good as before. A mistress of transforming character and absurdist fun, here's your chance Manchester to see for yourself. Red Redmond comperes and Vince Atta and Tom Taylor are in support.
Dead Cat Comedy, The Dancehouse, Sat Sept 25, £10 advance, £15 on the door
A new season of comedy presented by Dead Cat Comedy. The Cat's Red Redmond hosts introducing the daddy of the deadpan oneliner Gary Delaney, the absurdist Geordie Seymour Mace – who was recently nominated for a Foster's Edinburgh Comedy Award at the Fringe - plus dark sketch troupe performing in their PE kit Gein's Family Giftshop.
Trapdoor Comedy, Joshua Brooks, Sat Sept 26, £8
Rounding off the month's worth of Trapdoor comedy is Canadian Tony Law. Law is one of the daftest comics on the circuit and a joyous experience it is too. If you're very lucky he'll bring his lycra onsie with him and perform an interpretive dance. In support are wonderful musical comedian Duncan Oakley and Sidekick Comedy's very own Kate McCabe.
Laughing Cows, Frog and Bucket, Sun Sept 27, £10/£7
Dulcet Sounds' all women comedy night. This month sees Sally Anne Hayward's jaunty demeanour belie a ruthless wit, then there's the darkly humorous Kiri Pritchard McLean and former civil engineering student Eleanor Tiernan. Plus Welsh lady living local Hayley Ellis tests out some new material. As ever Kerry Leigh comperes events.
Joe Lycett, The Lowry, Sun 27 – Tue 29 Sept, £10-£12
Another act just returned from the Fringe, Lycett has come a long way from the days when he was just starting out on the local comedy circuit attending Manchester University. He claims that his latest pun titled solo show is something of a homage to his home town of Birmingham. Not that we're jealous or nothin'.
Nina Conti, The Lowry, Sun Sept 27, £17.50-£19.50
Skilled ventriloquist, Conti is best know for her work with the filthy monkey Monk who is often distracted by putting the moves on a pint glass or swearing at the audience. Monk is along for the ride here but Conti is also trying her hand at improv, taking suggestions from the audience to inspire her material.
Sidekick Comedy, Via, Mon Sept 28, £2 (students free)
Lovely cosy little gig in a downstairs room of the labyrinthine Via in the Village. This month there are performances from the energetic Andy Watson, the distinctly un-rock n roll Steve Bugeja and lovely support from Lydia Bernsmeier-Rullow. Your resident cheery American Kate McCabe hosts.
XSMalarkey, Pub/Zoo, Tue Sept 29, £3/£5
The legendary club celebrates an incredible and monumental birthday – it's 18! Sniff, soon they'll be leaving the nest for pastures new. Actually more likely to stick around exactly where it is for another 18. It's often a mystery who is playing the birthday do as the club has built up such respect in the comedy community the great and good (and often the telly names) are always on hand to help with such celebrations. But you can guarantee that Toby Hadoke will be there and there may even be a sausage roll or two.
Fred MacAuley, The Lowry Wed Sept 30, £14
Having presented a show on BBC Radio Scotland for 18 years it's probably fair to say that the Perth born comic is better known in his home country. But he's a sharp stand up, has held his own on all manner of TV and radio panel shows including QI and Just A Minute and is well worth checking out.
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