Entourage

Once upon a time on TV, the saga of rising star Vincent Chase (Adrian Grenier) and the trio of chauvinistic halfwits clinging to his coattails was able to blossom into a fable about how loyalty breeds success. But in 2015, bros only come before hos alphabetically, and what felt like innocent wish-fulfilment now plays like the masturbatory fantasy of a men’s-rights activist.

‘Entourage’ the movie begins in Ibiza, where Vince stands on the bow of a yacht contemplating his existence like a lobotomised Don Draper. Then, an epiphany: he wants to direct. Luckily for him, his fire-breathing former agent Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) is now head of a major studio, and the only executive in town dumb enough to finance a $100 million reimagining of the Jekyll and Hyde story in which the hero’s alter ego is a gun-toting DJ.

Still, the film Ari and Vince are trying to make isn’t half as asinine as the one they’re already in. So transparently just a bloated TV episode that it blares the show’s theme song over the opening credits (brace yourself for the sickening realisation it has a second verse), ‘Entourage’ can’t muster enough conflict for a podcast, let alone a feature. A scene in which Vince’s manager is punished for treating women like things provides the movie’s least sincere moment – no small feat in a Hollywood satire so cartoonish it makes ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’ look like a documentary.