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Published on 10/14/08
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FRIDAY
“I caught my first tube today, sir.” Thus spoke Special Agent Johnny Utah to his irate commanding officer in the 1991 Keanu classic, Point Break. Most of what we city-dwellers know about surfing comes from this schlocky—yet strangely captivating—film. If you haven’t seen it, rent it tonight. Others may cite The Endless Summer, Blue Crush, North Shore, Five Summer Stories; the point is that most urbanites don’t know squat about riding waves. Fortunately, you don’t have to go to the South Pacific to experience surfing: There are plenty of tubes right here.
First thing’s first—hop on the LIRR ($6.75 each way from Penn Station, off-peak) to Long Beach. After disembarking, cross West Park Avenue to Bi-Wise Drugs (26 W Park Ave, 516-432-7131) to purchase a beach day pass ($10) before dropping your stuff off at Jackson by the Beach Hotel (405 E Broadway, 516-431-3700; from $99), one of the few places in town to spend the night. It has a Serra-esque Minimalist thing going on, and the televisions date from the days of Frankie and Annette, but it’s conveniently situated near the ocean and downtown.
Catch the N33 bus and head to West Beech Street, where you can rent a bike at Buddy’s Bikes Etc (907 W Beech St, 516-431-0804; $25 per day) and cruise around the bar and restaurant–laden west end of Long Beach. After you return your rental, cross the street to The Beach House (906 W Beech St, no phone), an open-air bar that has live music and tasty crab cakes ($14). Later, turn to The Inn (943 W Beech St, 516-432-9220) for an evening of sweaty dance-and-grope.
SATURDAY
The Jackson is conveniently situated a few blocks from The Coffee Nut Café (250 E Park Ave, 516-897-6616), where the wide variety of java flavors ($1.55–$2.75) will help you recover from your long, sordid night.
Unless you traffic in board shorts, stock up on beach gear at Unsound Surf (359 E Park Ave, 516-889-1112; unsoundsurf.com) and sign up for lessons with Elliot Zuckerman of Surf2Live Surfing School (516-432-9211, surf2live.com; from $65). “Listen, you’re the quarterback jock. It’s all balance and coordination. How hard can it be?” Well, Utah, as it turns out, pretty hard. The group lessons at Long Beach are about 90 minutes long, and his staff—all young and tan—teach you how to stand up properly. Later, they give you push-starts into waves so you’re not just floundering around on your board. Plus, the school provides all of the equipment.
After being disabused of the idea that you’ll be a natural at surfing, grab a bite to eat at Corbin & Reynolds (20 W Park Ave, 516-431-4600). Clean yourself up first, though; burgers run about $10.
SUNDAY
“Okay, I know. This is where you tell me all about how locals rule, and yuppie insects like me shouldn’t be surfing your break.”
Continue your surf odyssey in Far Rockaway, a ten minute cab ride from Long Beach, although the two wave-heavy beaches there have a tendency to get crowded on the weekends (go early in the morning). Also, most locals don’t take kindly to neophytes who get in the way. Those who want to stay on the path of Johnny Utah should consider taking the first few surf trips with a friend who actually knows what he or she is doing. This will help prevent disaster, whether it’s in the form of a bad wipeout or just getting your ass kicked for being stupid. Overcrowded surf beaches can bring out the worst in people. If you’re unsure of where to go or how to comport yourself, ask around at The Rockaway Beach Surf Shop (177 Beach 116th St, 718-474-9345).
Late morning, head back to the city and strike the right note by hitting up Bondi Road (153 Rivington St between Clinton and Suffolk Sts, 212-253-5311), a bar named after that most famous of Sydney beaches. It has a $15 all-you-can-drink brunch (add $5 for the Queen Adelaide or Barrier Reef Benedict), which will put you into an appropriate state of mind for the coma-inducing Lomi Lomi Hawaiian Luau Massage at Just Calm Down (32 W 22nd St between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 212-337-0032; $175 for 60mins). While Keanu didn’t get a rubdown, your fatigued muscles will appreciate the traditional pushing and pulling motions delivered to your back, care of Hawaii-native Kawai Anakalea.
Via con dios, dude.
