Automatic Slims

Photograph: Jeff Gurwin

For Rockers A pocket-size bar with a dynamite downstairs, Automatic Slims is the smart play on weekends in the West Village. You will get to know—if not love—thy neighbor in the rocking throng around the bar. And no, you won’t respect yourself in the morning—at least not once you remember the way you were belting out hair-metal hits with your new honey, that is.

For Preppies When the urge hits to bag a preppy honey, target Sutton Place. Its three floors are teeming with fratty twentysomethings, and it’s so loud that if your pickup lines suck, your quarry will be none the wiser. When you score a match, move swiftly to the cozy fireplace area or mellow out in the lounge. Or watch the game on one of the massive TVs.

For the Unwashed Trash Bar prides itself on the edgy grit of its local Williamsburg patrons—some of whom smell authentically unwashed. But man-about-the-bar Nick, 28, reckons that “the comfy vibe makes everyone feel at home.” (We think its got more to do with the free Tater Tots and drink specials that run way into the night.) Odds are best at Friday-night karaoke, but you can get into some groupie-and-rock-star role play anytime.

For Arty Gays A night at staple gay bar Metropolitan guarantees you’ll get cruised by men and women: Yes, the pheromones run rampant, but it’s way less hard-core than, say, the Cock or Cattyshack. The crowd—a truly mixed bunch of arty and edgy types—get into some quality dance-floor shenanigans, so it’s cheaper than the clubs and way more fun. Bartender Nate, 24, assures straight guys that they’ll find themselves plenty of pretty girls for the taking, and advises everyone to “be nice to the bartender—they’ll put in a good word for you with whoever you’ve got your eye on.”

For After-workers You’ll find a gene pool rich with after-work partiers and hedonistic tourists at McFadden’s. “There’s a little nighttime action,” says general manager Jon. “We get the girls up dancing on the bar.”

For Hipsters The Trash! party at LES basement bar Home Sweet Home makes Friday night hipster central, but on Wednesdays, it’s packed with single goths. Any night is good for mingling amid the taxidermy and chandeliers, though, and you can’t help but bump into that hottie next to you. “And it’s dark enough to find a corner and make out with someone,” adds co-owner Nadia, 23.

For Everyone Ah, Union Pool: just show up and score. Try your hand on weekdays—they’re less aggressively flirtatious than the superpacked weekends, and bartender Tim, 34, promises the staff will look after you: “The bartenders can introduce you around.” There are metal, country, funk, classic-rock and punk nights, and regardless of theme, there’s always a healthy smattering of tattoos around the bar.