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I need to get over my ex.

ADVICE FROM: Julia Allison, TONY’s dating columnist

Honestly, is there any hope for staying friends after a serious relationship?
The short answer is yes. There’s hope even after a tumultuous breakup. The key is having a gap of time to clear the air. If you segue from a relationship into a friendship right away, you’re going to fail. You both need time apart, and it needs to be longer than a week and probably a month.

What if I work with this person? How can I diffuse the tension there?
Then you’re just an idiot. Get a new job—there’s no way to win that one. If you don’t have that choice, do whatever you can to create distance. Start new work patterns, hang out with different friends, anything.

I'm calling/e-mail/texting, and my ex is not responding regularly. How much effort should I keep putting into a postbreakup relationship?
This is the worst thing you can do. Delete the number. Delete the e-mail address. Unless you want them to regard you with no respect. You can liken it to a heroin addiction—there’s a chemical in you that makes you want more, but you shouldn’t take another hit. Do not contact your ex until that clearing-the-air time has passed.

Is it okay to stay in touch with my ex's friends? I feel like they're my friends now, too.
This is a huge temptation, but it’s also a huge mistake. The friends need a break too. That doesn’t mean you can’t come back to them, but making your ex’s friends choose sides right away is not a good idea. They were your ex’s friends first; let your ex keep them. If you act in a mature manner during the breakup, you’ll get them back eventually.

How do I take my mind off this person (besides excessive alcohol)?
You don’t need excessive alcohol. Try a constant flow of new activities. All those things you wanted to do but your ex didn’t, do them now! Beyond that, the easiest way to take your mind of your ex is to get into a lesion relationship. Don’t even call it a relationship; it’s a rebound-ship. The important thing is that during this time you’re reminding yourself that it's possible to feel this way toward someone else…eventually.

I'm going through a really angry period. Is it okay to seek revenge? Can I blog about how crappy my ex is in bed?
When you’re going through a breakup, you’re, like, clinically insane. You don’t want to act on too many impulses in this stage. Revenge might seem like a brilliant idea at the time, but you'll regret it after you’ve calmed down.

How long should I wait before dating again?
For your rebound, wait a couple weeks at least. To date seriously, you should wait at least a month. Otherwise there’s no chance for success. If you were engaged you need to wait a long time.

Is my next relationship automatically "a rebound"? I met someone who seems really nice—can this lead anywhere?
If you wait enough time it’s not a rebound. If this is the first date since your breakup and things are going great, be sure to take it slow.

Is ex sex ever a good idea?
Yes, but only after you get to the friends stage. If a breakup is like a plane crash, you initially want to run away before it explodes. Ex sex works only much later, when you’re 100 percent over the person.

See also:
Poll: how old is too old? | Life of a late bloomer | Late blooming by the numbers