Illustration: Emily Flake

Men have their own natal alarm. It’s not as insistent, but it ticks nonetheless—and when it finally goes off, they tend to want to settle and mate as soon as possible, with whichever girl happens to be around and available. It goes off between 26 and 32 for most, though Manhattan men seem to press the snooze button until their midthirties—or beyond.

“Living here gives us the illusion that we’re younger than we are,” says Sam, 38, a systems analyst. “But time does catch up, and then we grow up.”

Per Sam, this growth spurt manifests in the following ways: (1) “Great hot sex with a ‘crazy’ woman” isn’t enough to make her your GF. (2) You begin to feel and look older, “like your dad.” (3) Sleeping becomes important. (4) Your exes who live in small towns have kids. (5) You look at your SO and think, Her looks will fade and we’ll have nothing to talk about.

I would add the following: (1) He’s done with his education, and possibly even paid off his school loans. (2) He’s finished the intern/associate/slave portion of his career, and no longer works 230 hours a week for negative 17 vacation days a year. (3) He’s shored up financially. He doesn’t sleep on a mattress on the floor anymore. He threw out the framed posters (and the roommies) a few years ago. He’s looked at two-bedrooms and sometimes thinks about moving to Brooklyn. (4) His friends start getting married. And he tires of booking the strippers.

“A man’s biological clock is tied to the balance and order in his life,” says Stu, 28, a business strategist, “knowing where he wants to live, good career, apartment, friends—once you’ve accomplished your goals, casual sex just doesn’t do it anymore.”

Since these are universal factors, it seems like Manhattan bachelors hold out longer because: (1) this city’s unabashedly careercentric attitude, and the fact that it takes a lot of jack to feel financially secure; (2) everyone is single longer, which means there’s not much peer pressure to change your status; (3) there are more hot single women here than anywhere else, which makes for limitless options.

But even those can change. “Marriage definitely doesn’t scare me anymore,” says Derek, 35, a journalist, “A big factor was seeing one of my best friends get married…he actually choked up saying his vows. I thought, Yeah, I do want that. Plus, a girl I was very interested in ended up marrying someone else, and I started worrying that if I wait too long, the primo, grade-A girls will get snapped up and only the leftovers will remain.”

Or maybe guys just want to settle down “when they get fat and ugly and can’t afford to pay for hot chicks,” says Steve Santagati, 42, author of dating guide The Manual. “Or when they meet so many psychos and then the miracle girl comes crashing in. Hmmm, we say, this girl could save me a lot of aggravation.” Steve is still single, but his clock is ticking.

Of course, it’s always interesting when the tables are turned. Liz, 26, has dated 30-year-olds who “dropped hints about the m-bomb, like, on the second date.” Yeah, it’s happened to me, too. “It made me feel like they were just looking to pin someone down. There was almost an air of desperation about them, like musical chairs—the music stops and they want to sit down.”

The fragrance of desperation is never attractive—on men or women. So figure your shit out already, guys, and start prepping for commitment, before all the good ones are gone.

E-mail her at julia@timeoutny.com.

See previous Julia Alsion on Dating