If you were to star in a porno, what kink would you insist on?

• Facials (either giving or getting)
• Gang bangs
• Bareback
• Rimming (either giving or getting)

Facials—the come-on-the-cheeks-and-eyelids kind, not the blackhead-popping variety—turned out to be the straight guys’ porno kink of choice (44%), while gay guys (31%), straight gals (46%) and gay gals (33%) were dreaming of a good old-fashioned gang bang. Ah, the classics.

Guys: If you were granted one wish from the procto-urological genie (you know, the magical fairy that governs the dick-and-ass region), which one of the following would you ask for?

• An additional two inches of cock length
• An additional two inches of cock girth
• An easily accessible and mind-blowingly sensitive prostate
• Eternal hairlessness

Both hetero and homo guys were painfully cliché in choosing “an additional two inches of cock length” (hetero: 51%, homo: 42%) as the wish they’d most want granted. Interesting side note: Among the losing categories, straight guys picked “eternal hairlessness” over the sensitive prostate. (For more on losing those ass pubes, see Seek, page 61.)

Finish this sentence: My sexual fantasies often feature…

• multiple partners.
• a person of the same gender as myself
• toys
• ass
• all of the above

This question shook out in a fascinating fashion. Both straight guys (55%) and straight girls (30%) said their sexual fantasies most often include “multiple partners.” Gay gals (42%) and gay guys (38%), on the other hand, predominantly opted for “all of the above.” Gays? Insatiable? No way!

If I were going to dabble in S&M, I would definitely have to be…

• dominant
• submissive
• wearing one of those way-cool latex hoods

A whopping 65% of straight gals said they’d be the submissive one in any S&M scenario, which works out nicely, since 60% of straight guys said they’d want to be dominant. Most gay dudes went for submissive as well (52%), as did lesbians (55%). Personally I was hoping more people would have chosen the hood. That and the ball gag are my two fave sex accessories I’d never have the cojones to use.

If a partner requested acting out a “rape” scenario in the bedroom, I would…

• roll with it
• shut it down tout de suite

“Roll with it” is what most hetero gents would do (70%) if their partner wanted to act out a rape scene in the bedroom. Same goes for straight gals (60%), gay guys (76%) and gay gals (68%). Only subway-hardened New Yorkers would be unfazed by adding so much rough-and-tumble to the bedroom.

Straight guys: Say you’re stranded on a desert island with just another straight male friend. Months go by and you’re craving some sort of sexual congress. You…

• try to convince your bud to suck you off
• try to convince your bud to jack you off
• create a makeshift pussy out of a horseshoe crab shell lined with shucked clams (being able to come up with solutions like this is why I get paid the big bucks)
• settle for thrice-daily masturbation sessions.

Even New York City hetero guys are scared of dick. The winner of the question was “settle for thrice-daily masturbation sessions ” (65%). Awesomely, the makeshift pussy came in second (21%).