Fill in the blank: If I were being completely honest, I’d have to admit I do have some interest in incorporating _________ into my sex life.

• urine
• feces
• pain
• humiliation

The winner for every gender and orientation was “pain” (straight guys: 58%, straight gals: 76%, homo guys: 40%, homo gals: 60%).

If you were given an all-expenses-paid night of fantasy fucking, where would you want it to take place?

• On a beach in Hawaii
• In the penthouse suite of a swank hotel
• On a private yacht in the Caribbean
• On top of the hottest prostitute/escort money could buy

More hetero lads (38%) and lasses (41%) and homo ladies (61%) chose the yacht as their venue of choice for a night of fantasy fucking, while those always-swanky gay guys predominantly went for the Gansevoort experience (34%).

Gals: If you were to indulge your exhibitionistic side, would you prefer to…

• go to a café wearing a dress without underwear and flash someone across the room
• hang out topless in Central Park
• screw around with someone at a swingers’ club
• get a nice under-the-table finger-banging while sitting in a crowded bar

I asked both straight and gay gals how they would most like to indulge their exhibitionistic side, to which they responded “give me the finger!” (straight gals: 70%, gay gals: 71%).

Gay guys: Which of the following gay celebrity pairings would you most like to see show up at your door for “Threesome Night”?

• Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass
• Nate Berkus and Tom Ford
• T.R. Knight and Zac Posen
• That Scissors Sisters dude and James McGreevey

I had some fun with the gays with this Q, and the results weren’t even close: Home designer Nate Berkus and fashion maven Tom Ford (52%) blew away Doogie and the dude from ’N Sync (21%), Grey’s Anatomy’s George and designer Zac Posen (17%), and (not surprisingly) that Scissors Sisters dude and James McGreevey (10%).

Say you suddenly became invisible—to what location would you hightail it in order to get in some good voyeuristic action?

• A college dorm’s shower room
• Brad and Angelina’s bedroom
• A gym locker room
• The set of a porn movie

If they were granted the awesome power of invisibility, straight guys (66%) and gay guys (43%) would make like Porky’s kids in the shower, while straight gals (42%) and gay gals (33%) alike would live their inner- Maddox, tiptoeing into Brad and Angie’s boudoir.

Gay gals: Which brand of fetishist would you most like to spend an evening with?

• Foot fetishist
• Underwear fetishist
• Leather fetishist
• Shoe fetishist

Someone call PETA: “Leather” (46%) nudged out “underwear” for the win.

Straight gals: Which of the following traits would your sexual dream guy possess?

• Serpentlike tongue (complete with Global Clit Positioning System)
• Elephantine cock
• A koala-esque cuddle instinct (no, I don’t know if koalas actually cuddle, but a man can dream, right?)
• The coital intensity of a rabbit

If straight women were to create a dream date from scratch, the main trait this guy would possess is not an elephantine cock (hear that, straight dudes who wished for two more inches?). It’s the tongue (44%).