WISH
To play in the pit of a broadway show

Wisher Amy Todorova, 29; special-ed teacher

“I’ve never played this song before, so please don’t make judgments,” announces Amy Todorova. It’s nearly showtime in the orchestra pit at the John Golden Theatre, home of Avenue Q. Amy, a longtime pianist and lifelong Broadway aficionado, is sitting at the keyboard, hands trembling slightly, ready to tackle a rendition of the Q showstopper “There’s a Fine, Fine Line.” Musical director Mark Hartman looks on, nodding to the rhythm as Amy’s fingers skip up and down the keys with increasing assurance. She has 25 years of piano practice under her belt—and you can tell.

The pit, which is actually a separate room directly beneath the stage, smells musty. Hello Kitty stickers, rainbow flags and bowling pins wearing wigs adorn the ridiculously tiny space, which is packed with a jumble of chairs and music stands. There are two monitors on which the band can see the stage, a couple of crossword books and…is that a Scrabble board? “What do you mean?” laughs Hartman. “I don’t see a Scrabble game. Do you see a Scrabble game?” The musicians clearly play more than just their instruments down here.

“This is our new musical director, isn’t it?” a high-pitched voice pipes up when Amy finishes the tune. The question comes from Mrs. Thistletwat, the crabby Kindergarten-teacher puppet, who wants to know what all the preshow fuss is about; she’s accompanied by the porn-obsessed Trekkie Monster. The music room suddenly feels like an all-grown-ups Sesame Street.

“Play anything in the key of X,” grunts Trekkie, who sounds like a relative of Cookie Monster. Amy starts up “What Do You Do with a B.A. in English?,” which is in the key of B-flat, but that’s clearly close enough: Trekkie belts along enthusiastically—“I can’t pay the bills yet / ’Cause I have no skills yet / The world is a big scary place!!!”—and Amy can’t keep a straight face. “Are you sure you’re married?” the furry perv says when the song’s over. Amy’s husband, who’s sitting rapt near the keyboard, glowers cartoonishly.

After her Broadway debut, Amy takes a seat in the audience, slightly relieved. “I actually have a fear of mascots,” she admits. “I thought I was going to freak out with them next to me. But they were hysterical. And nice.” —Alexis Tirado

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DREAM ON
You also wished to…

…set all the horses free from their carriages in Central Park.

…have Gene Hackman pose for me so that I can paint him live.

…make the city smell like bacon.