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Art
Most welcoming Gate-d community
For two weeks in February, Christo and Jeanne-Claude transformed Central Park with their crowd-pleasing installation The Gates. While the artists swore their palette was saffron, to our eyes it looked terror-alert orange. Still, it was gratifying to see New York grab the spotlight for something unrelated to September 11—and to see tourists gawk at a spectacle that wasn't a hole in the ground.
Most admirable relief effort
We endorse the separation of church (museums) and state (the art market). But we'll make an exception for MoMA. Just days after Hurricane Katrina decimated New Orleans, the museum installed 50 photographs by Lee Friedlander, donated by the artist to benefit the region's musicians (sales were made off-site by Janet Borden Gallery). Shockingly, few other New York arts organizations responded as quickly.
Surest cure for performance anxiety
If your idea of performance art is still "Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance," you obviously missed Performa05. For three weeks in November, more than 90 artists infiltrated 20 venues for the city's first biennial devoted to the genre. High points included Jesper Just's heartrending holographic opera and Marina Abramovic's seven-day stretch at the Guggenheim. But our highest praise is reserved for the indefatigable visionary who organized it all, RoseLee Goldberg.
Books
Best novel that most people loathed
The Boston Globe's reviewer called Bret Easton Ellis's latest novel, Lunar Park, "desperate and cynical and poorly written." The New York Times Book Review sniffed that it's a "portrait of a narcissist who is, in the end, terminally bored with himself." Whatever! Lunar Park's portrait of a writer named Bret Easton Ellis is self-parody at its best, and the book's symphonic build-up into an eerie suburban horror show is unforgettable.
Most peculiar book trend: guidebooks to Texas Hold'em poker
Phil Hellmuth's Texas Hold'em; Dennis Purdy's Illustrated Guide to Texas Hold'em;The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Texas Hold'em;The Secret Code to Texas Hold'em;Texas Hold'em on the Net: How to Maximize Your Winnings;Phil Gordon's Little Green Book: Lessons and Teachings in No Limit Texas Hold'em;52 Tips for Texas Hold'em Poker;Low Limit Texas Hold'em Poker: Maximizing Winnings Through Optimization. The list goes on. Plus, mystery writer Kinky Friedman's latest is called Texas Hold 'Em. Will someone please explain what's going on?
Most annoying impersonator of a literary character
In her review of Benjamin Kunkel's debut novel, Indecision,New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani assumes the voice of J.D. Salinger's antsy Holden Caulfield. Kunkel's narrator, Dwight, bears a few similarities to Salinger's hero, see? The result is some embarrassingly clunky prose peppered with words like kinda and crummy. Bad. Meta-bad.
Best bookstore makeover
The Strand will never be compatible with the principles of feng shui, but its redesign features both an out as well as an in door, crucial to customer flow in a place trolled by pushy bookish types. Props also go to the almost-organized second floor, the new space for author readings and the restrooms, which no longer remind shoppers of their last trip to the Mars Bar.
Clubs
Best result of having a questionable grip on reality
Even as the economic realities and regulatory hurdles of opening a nightspot in the city make it clear that the venture's one step away from flushing their life savings down the toilet, there are still people foolhardy enough to jump in. From the black-hole-with-stunning-system Love to the glammed-up Pacha, 2005 has seen its share of new niteries hit the scene—and there are a bunch more in the works for '06.
Oddest loosening of standards
It wasn't so long ago that the legitimate clubbing community made jokes about the whole concept of celebrity spinners. Nowadays, hacks along the lines of DJ AM—a.k.a. Nicole Richie's erstwhile armpiece—are featured on the cover of "underground" dance-music magazines. What happened?
Best reason to still brag about the NYC scene
Clubgoers could argue forever about the state of NYC's nightlife, but one thing's for sure: There's still vibrant, influential dance music coming out of Gotham. LCD Soundsystem's buzzy dance rock, Quentin Harris's heartfelt house, the Rong Music label's discoid excursions and the rest of the ace aurals prove there's life here yet.
Comedy
Longest-overdue payment
It took the muscle of 300 comics in Ted Alexandro and Russ Meneve's New York Comedians Coalition to finally convince the city's stand-up clubs to pay $75 for a weekend set, instead of $60—which had been the standard since 1985. You know it's bad when even the guys who blow up giant inflatable rats receive raises before you do.
Suckiest talent vacuum
Mitch Hedberg's death in March left a gaping hole in the universe's humor fabric. We hope the escalator to heaven didn't break, but then again, in his words, "An escalator can never break: It can only become stairs." May his hilarious work be quoted forever.
Most convincing pump-fake
David Cross leaked a rumor of CIA-identity proportions (to the comedy world, at least) by writing, on BobandDavid.com, of his plan to open a performance venue on the Lower East Side this past fall. Although we'd still rather have another season of Arrested Development, here's hoping he uses the free time brought by that show's cancellation to deliver his new space in 2006.
Most impressive prank
Kudos to the jokers behind this "intelligent design" thing. When we heard that ID had made it into the Kansas public schools, we almost peed our pants; luckily, our highly evolved pelvic muscles intervened. This is the kind of subtle, subversive stuff that goes down in history. And the Brits say we don't get satire!
Dance
Best retirement present
Christopher Wheeldon's two-part After the Rain begins as a stormy work for three couples, but then turns into a dusky pas de deux for Jock Soto, who retired from New York City Ballet in June, and Wendy Whelan. It was like watching a time capsule of Soto's life in dance—a devastatingly beautiful parting gift.
Best use of a mix-tape
French choreographer Jérôme Bel made his New York debut in March with his charming The Show Must Go On. For the evening-length work, Bel relied on a carefully orchestrated selection of pop songs from icons such as Tina Turner and David Bowie to trigger memories and manipulate audience expectations.
Cheesiest import
Matthew Bourne's Play Without Words may have seemed like something new and different to many theater critics, but what it really was—tedious and bland with a depressingly low reserve of innovative movement—made for an endlessly dull music video.
Most unfortunate use of a swimming pool
Noémie LaFrance's Agora fizzled for many reasons, but mainly because the space the choreographer chose for her site-specific spectacle—McCarren Park Pool in Brooklyn—overshadowed her shallow choreographic ideas.
Saddest moment for Broadway dance
When the final curtain fell on Twyla Tharp's Movin' Out on December 11, the notion of sophisticated dance on Broadway died along with it. Tharp's fantastic showcase of classical ballet and contemporary movement didn't simply serve as a backdrop for Billy Joel's songs, it gave audiences a priceless taste of just how wonderful dance can be.
Film
Best use of an emoticon during foreplay
Miranda July ingeniously (and hilariously) imagined how a six-year-old would make sense of an XXX-rated chat room in her swoony debut, Me and You and Everyone We Know.
Sexiest hand licking
Heath and Jake barebacked on Brokeback, but the tender, tenuous courtship between a soldier and a country boy in Apichatpong Weerasethakul's shape-shifting Tropical Malady also thrilled with its erotic jolts.
Most talented star to emerge from Dawson's Creek (who, we hope, will not be reading L. Ron Hubbard anytime soon)
In The Baxter,Brokeback Mountain and even Wim Wenders's risible Land of Plenty, Michelle Williams never failed to break hearts.
Best way to kick it up a notch, career-wise
Go from Domino to Pride & Prejudice—playing Jane Austen's most scrutinized, fiercely beloved heroine—à la Keira Knightley, or from Brothers Grimm to Brokeback Mountain, like Heath Ledger. Boldness does pay off.
Unluckiest time to release an engrossing documentary about a grizzly-bear obsessive
Werner Herzog's fascinating Grizzly Man was overshadowed in a summer owned by a certain documentary phenomenon about lovable penguins.
Most aptly titled releases
White Noise, House of Wax, Herbie: Fully Loaded, The Fog
Top candidate for getting back into an elf costume
Handsome but vapid Orlando Bloom sunk not one but two prestige projects: Ridley Scott's megabudget Kingdom of Heaven and Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown. Really, producers, there aren't enough 15-year-old girls for you to recoup on a $100 million–plus movie.
Worst way to promote your new summer blockbuster
We have a three-way tie between jumping on Oprah's couch; engaging in a heated argument over the validity of psychiatry on a morning show; and convincing audiences that you're a self-righteous, hypocritical creep.
Top method of proving you truly have no sense of humor
Sean Penn felt it his noble duty to defend the sorely affronted Jude Law at the Oscars after Chris Rock made a friendly dig at him. Question for Sean Penn: If you laughed, would your face split into a thousand tiny shards?
Gay & Lesbian
Most riveting queer TV series since The L Word
Transgeneration, an eight-week reality show that premiered on Sundance in September, followed the lives of four very different transgender college students. The show's topics were always a challenge, never a bore; and thanks go to director Jeremy Simmons, who tried to get beyond the usual one-size-fits-all trannie tale. "We never set out to tell the story of what it means to be transgender," he told TONY, "because I don't think that's possible."
Best reason to trade your New York Liberty jersey for some Houston Comets gear
Basketball star Sheryl Swoopes, a Comets forward, had a very public coming-out in October, becoming only the third out lesbian in the entire WNBA. Come on, people! Crystal? Becky? Anyone?
Most welcome faces during election season
While Bloomberg was being forgiven left and right for his injustices against the LGBT community (see Gay & Lesbian, page 105, for more on that), gay New Yorkers at least had the racy campaign ads of Brian Ellner. The fresh-faced primary contender for Manhattan borough president may not have had a chance in hell, but his TV commercial, in which he took the arm of a handsome man and declared, "This is my partner, Simon," was certainly groundbreaking. Unsurprisingly, Fox 5 refused to air it, and that's as good an endorsement as any.
Music
The Michael Jackson Commemorative "What's He Still Doing Out of Jail?" Award
R. Kelly created a stir this year with his really quite bad TP.3: Reloaded and the more enjoyable, if utterly ludicrous, urban opera that followed, "Trapped in the Closet." Nevertheless, couldn't everything he does be seen as thumbing his nose at the law? Damn, even Saddam went on trial more quickly.
Best reason to smack Danger Mouse
The hip-hop producer brought mash-ups to the mainstream with his unfortunately lauded The Grey Album. Now everyone's doing it, and it sounds awful: Jay-Z and Linkin Park; local DJ crew the Rub; and perhaps the worst live-music event of the year, the Heineken-sponsored AmsterJam Festival on Randall's Island.
Best reason to stay in the city during the summer
Increasingly appealing with each passing year, Lincoln Center's once-musty Mostly Mozart Festival served up a virtual tour of countries that its namesake composer visited (and one he didn't, but what the heck). In the process, the festival offered some of the year's most sparkling performances.
The latest indelible proof that the American Revolution was a good idea
Crazy Frog, an entire CD of music based on downloadable ring tones, hit No. 1 on the U.K.'s album charts. While that sinks in, we'll cop to the fact that ring tones are now a $5 billion industry in the U.S. (We do hope there's one somewhere of Dr. Evil saying "Five billion dollars.")
Most underwhelming invasion of the city
We saw a few MTV ads and some posters with big hats and belt buckles. Other than that, did the Country Music Awards really happen? We'll stick with our homegrown, hardscrabble local scene of roots-music underdogs.
Best reason to go through that junk you have stashed away in storage
Two of the year's top jazz releases, Thelonious Monk Quartet with John Coltrane at Carnegie Hall (Blue Note) and the John Coltrane Quartet's One Down, One Up: Live at the Half Note (Impulse!), resulted from people stumbling upon forgotten old tapes.
Worst act of necrophilia
By now, we're familiar with the industry's practice of pairing a deceased artist's vocal track with that of a nondead singer (who's usually trying to keep a career alive). But Diddy struck a new low—12 feet under, you could say—by pairing the Notorious B.I.G. (d. 1997) with Bob Marley (d. 1981) on the new Duets: The Final Chapter. There will be ring tones...from beyond the grave!
Restaurants
Most impressive rebound
Matthew Kenney left Pure Food & Wine in September (and endured a nasty breakup with his girlfriend that was pruriently chronicled on Page Six), but just two months later he had opened the Plant (a production kitchen and eatery), three Blue/Green organic juice bars and an upscale vegetarian restaurant, Heirloom (see review, page 30), on the Lower East Side.
Best new restaurant names
Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction, R.U.B. (Righteous Urban Barbecue), Fatty Crab, Empanada Mama, Hop Devil Grill, Bushwick Country Club, Curly's Lunch
Worst new restaurant names
Hip Hop Chow, MamaGoo's, Thor, It's a -Dominican Thing, English Is Italian, Dopey Benny's
Biggest name who left us hungry
Celebrity chef Charlie Trotter was supposed to join Thomas Keller, Masa Takayama, Jean-Georges Vongerichten and Gray Kunz in the Time Warner Center. Shit happened. And ultimately, nearly two years after announcing that he was in, he admitted he was out: The budget had skyrocketed from $6 million to $11 million. And the space still hasn't been filled.
Tastiest food-group comeback
Throughout 2003 and 2004, carbs were verboten. Servers dared not bring bread to the table. Pasta didn't sell. In 2005, some daring chefs snuck a few carbs back onto the menu, and by year's end we were back to the old days—gorging on Italian food, checking out the latest cupcake shops and eating our burgers with buns.
Why, again?
Tribeca is now home to Ninja—yes, it's a ninja-themed restaurant, for adults. And the Flatiron District hosts Porky's NYC—yes, it's a culinary homage to the dim-witted '80s movie.
Sports
Most masochistic career move
When his contract expired at season's end, Yankees GM Brian Cashman was finally free of the madness of King George Steinbrenner. But instead of snaring a new job in Philly or D.C., Cashman reupped for more torture. He's well paid and gets to work with MLB's highest payroll, but it hardly seems worth it.
Best magic act
Prior to this season, Rangers GM Glen Sather threw good money after bad at high-priced free agents who didn't pan out. After the strike, he went the rebuilding route, and every major hockey scribe predicted that the team would finish in the cellar. Instead, the Blueshirts have been in first place since Day One.
Worst news for the local humane society
Hoping to upgrade the small-forward position, the Knicks signed Qyntel Woods, who pleaded guilty to animal abuse in January for his participation in a pit-bull fighting ring. It makes his earlier indiscretions—fistfights with Portland teammates, for instance—seem quaint by comparison.
Simply the worst
J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!
Style
Chicest swan song
Just days before heading off to the big house to serve time for perjury, Lil' Kim staged her final pre-prison performance at Marc Jacobs's New York Fashion Week after-party in September. The designer returned the favor by creating a T-shirt emblazoned with the singer's likeness and the phrase marc jacobs loves lil' kim.
Biggest tease
The much-hyped, limited-edition Stella McCartney for H&M collection sold out before lunchtime on the day it appeared, leaving scores of rabidly fashion-hungry ladies sorely disappointed.
Most obvious display of faux shock
After images of party girl Kate Moss doing blow surfaced in the pages of London's Daily Mirror, some fashion world heavies, including Burberry and H&M, promptly dropped the supermodel from their ads. But this being fashion, everyone knew her career wasn't going to vanish up her nose. Moss is now as bankable as ever and has secured new contracts with YSL and Virgin Mobile, among others.
Lifetime achievement award for hype
Former Gucci maestro Tom Ford resurfaced to relaunch Estée Lauder's vintage fragrance Youth Dew—and the industry genuflected.
Theater
Brassiest Broadway diva
As a gleeful murderess who bakes Londoners into meat pies, the great Patti LuPone gives the brilliant revival of Sweeney Todd a startling jolt of lust, wiggling her rump with delight as she serves up her cannibal fare—all the while tooting on a tuba.
Biggest actorly breakthrough
James Urbaniak's cryptic, eerie, tormented geek-genius turn in Thom Pain (based on nothing) made us want to see him take on Hamlet, Bartleby the Scrivener or anything by Beckett.
Deepest money pit
In My Life, the tacky labor of sick love by writer-composer-director-producer Joe Brooks, was bad enough to sit through (flaming angels! dancing skeletons! recycled Dr. Pepper jingles!), but watching Brooks and his deep-pocketed producer throw cash at a "root for the underdog" ad campaign was simply obscene. Low point: the three-page, full-color plea in the October 30 edition of The New York Times, in which the ad agency tried to spin disastrous reviews into ambiguous and quirky pull quotes.
Least family-friendly Broadway fare
Who says that Broadway offers only sanitized, watered-down pabulum for the kiddies and non-English-speaking tourists? This year saw two adult, tough-minded new dramas: John Patrick Shanley's Proof and Martin McDonagh's The Pillowman. The latter, full of gleefully grisly tales of child mutilation and crucifixion, was emphatically not for anyone under 15.
Most brazen product placement
Even in a year when Gran Centenario Tequila got shoehorned into Sweet Charity's dialogue and SPAM and beer tie-ins spiked Monty Python's Spamalot, Suzanne Somers outshilled everyone. She ended The Blonde in the Thunderbird by rolling out a cart overflowing with branded products: her exercise videos, cookbooks and the obligatory ThighMaster. The show closed in a week. No one was buying.
Worst singing (intentional division)
Somers's bathetic warbling of "If I Only Had a Brain" brought titters. But Judy Kaye's singing earns torrents of loud laughter—on purpose—every night in Broadway's Souvenir, Stephen Temperley's fanciful portrait of the legendarily dreadful, delusionally self-confident would-be soprano Florence Foster Jenkins.
Best reason to move to France
In July, French director Ariane Mnouchkine and her troupe, Théâtre du Soleil, astounded audiences with the six-hour epic Le Dernier Caravansérail (Odyssées)—a production that exemplified the kind of federally subsidized work that couldn't happen in America. Will our government ever fund a theater company whose work can be the envy of other nations?
Best reason not to move to France
Theatergoers looked forward to the French production of 4.48 Psychose at BAM's Next Wave Festival in October, starring Isabelle Huppert. But director Claude Régy reduced Sarah Kane's inflammatory death rattle to an exercise in stasis, with Huppert frozen stock-still for 100 minutes. Worse, Régy refused to offer English translation of nearly any of the text (even though the play was written in English).
TV
Classiest departure
Alan Ball decided to quit while he was ahead and ended Six Feet Under with a heartrending finale that provided believable closure, truly earning the tears it elicited.
Most depressing premature cancellation
Kitchen Confidential, the sitcom based on Anthony Bourdain's best-seller, had sharp writing and a crack ensemble cast, but apparently that is no longer enough. Arrested Development's impending death sucks too, but at least it stayed alive for two and a half seasons.
Most unfortunate missed chance for improv
We thought Mike Myers was a comedian, but when Kanye West served up the quote of the year, "George Bush doesn't care about black people," on NBC's Hurricane Katrina relief show, all we got from Myers's improvisational acumen was a series of supremely uneasy facial expressions.
