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Pulse of the city
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Bar neighbors
“I hate uptight neighbors who complain to owners of bars because it’s too noisy on a Friday or Saturday night. These people knew when they signed their lease that there’d be nightlife on the weekends. Who the hell do they think they are? Why are they not at the bar getting wasted themselves? Oh, your child is trying to sleep? Don’t care. You can’t hear yourself think? Still don’t care. You shouldn’t be thinking—it’s the weekend. Bartender, give me another.”—D.S., Upper West Side
Sports fans
“This town is too tough on its sports teams. Eli Manning of the New York Giants, for example: They had a rough season to begin with, and all the New Yorkers were ready to throw him under the bus and chuck him out of town. And then—oh, whoops!—we win the Super Bowl and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, we love Eli Manning! Eli Manning, he’s so great!’”—Jonathan Stieber, Murray Hill
The post office
“I haven’t pinned down which aspect of our post offices is the worst: the agonizingly long lines, the ever-broken stamp machines, the television playing Divorce Court, the guy in line with 23 packages, the woman who wants to hear all of the stamp choices (twice!), the one-window-per-17-customers ratio, the mumbling workers with their robotic phrases, the kid who spills Juicy Juice all over the floor or the other kid who decides to adorn everything in sight with Priority stickers. How quickly and cheaply can I ship myself out of this damned city?”—Alicia Kachmar, Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Rude parents
“I hate babies. They’re not cute. They’re in my way. And their idiot parents just ran over my foot with a panzer tank—or was that just their stroller? I also despise parents who let their children cry and whine in restaurants and museums, and run loose in the already cramped quarters of shops, cafés and subway cars. Do your children a favor and teach them to respect other people and their space. You can start by taking that stroller off my foot.”—G. Dorse, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Subway manners
“Every morning I board the downtown 4/5 train at 86th and Lex. For whatever reason, there is always someone standing right inside the door. Do they get out and let you by? No. Do they move farther inside the car? Of course not. They stand there and make you fight through them. Then you get stuck in a group of people with nothing to hold on to. Get out of the fucking way! There is a reason most of you are obese: You’re lazy! Learn some goddamned manners!”—M. Ferguson, Upper East Side
Umbrellas
“Who are these people who think they can take up the entire sidewalk and gouge out eyes with their monstrously big umbrellas? Is their personal space really more precious than mine? Are they afraid they will melt if a drop of rain touches them? You think anyone believes they really play golf? Get your ego checked and remember you’re sharing the streets with others!”—Meesy, Chelsea
Morning coffee
“Since when did it become okay to commute with a hot beverage?!? New York is a city for people who don’t need a lot of personal space—if you have to have that cup of Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts, drink it before you get on the bus or after you get to work. Better yet, why don’t you move out to the suburbs, buy an SUV and stick your Styrofoam cup in the cup holder! A few months ago, I was on the M23 bus; it lurched and some guy spilled hot coffee all over me. He didn’t even have the decency to apologize! Okay, so I was shouting obscenities at him, but it’s New York, right?”—S. Wasserman, Stuyvesant Town
Cheap tourism
“I hate the sense that we’re living in Weimar Berlin reversed. Rich Europeans come over here, flash their hard, strong currencies, and before you know it, we’re sticking rubber turkeys up our vaginas onstage for the equivalent of a few pounds. I also hate having to walk ten blocks to the subway in the snow.”—Molly Crabapple, illustrator and founder of Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School, Brooklyn
Central Park
“I hate people who walk in the running lane in Central Park. There are sidewalks adjacent to the road—is the view really that much different from two yards over? On a similar note, some of the bikers in Central Park need anger therapy. I’ve been close to the edge of the running lane and had bicyclists buzz to tell me to get out of their way. One even grabbed me! What if I stumbled in their direction? We’d both be injured! Stupid. Stupid.—J. Stroup, Upper West Side
Dirty toilets
“What’s up with the female toilet seat pee-ers all over the city? I moved here from Seattle in August and the phenomenon is both disgusting and amazing! In almost every restroom I enter, someone has either peed on the toilet seat or neglected to throw away their toilet seat cover. You’d think people would have the dignity to clean up after themselves!”—Tina Nole, Brooklyn Heights
Cab drivers
“I hate when cabbies assume you’re a tourist and try to take advantage of you. It always happens when I’m going home to Queens. They pick some random direction, and it’s like, ‘For every wrong turn you take, I’m taking a dollar off your tip because I live here.’ They usually say to me, ‘Oh, no, no, no. I’m not going the wrong way—you don’t know what you’re talking about.’ And then they go in the right direction.”—Jonathan Hoover, Astoria
NYU’s expanding empire
“I hate NYU’s building spree! They’ve torn down a beautiful Catholic church with a diverse congregation. And why? So they can put in a fucking dorm. We don’t have a Starbucks east of Second Avenue, but we’re gonna have dorms with rich white kids throwing 40oz bottles on the street in the middle of the night. It really pisses me off. And I’m an alumna!”—Ashley, East Village
Subway noises
“I hate the squealing grind and pneumatic ear-busting noise our city’s subways and buses make. Where is the class-action lawsuit? As an audio professional, it astounds me that we don’t decry the assault on our hearing and social sanity. Fix the damn brakes already! Subways should have either hard rubber tires (like they do in Paris), or convert to a monorail design or horizontal elevator construct. Mr. Mayor, do you hear me?” —Tony D.
“Why is it that every other grocery store in America has an entire aisle devoted to snacks, but in New York, you only get two choices—go to Citarella and buy an $8 bag of caramelized foie gras tortilla chips, or hang out at Gristedes with your 99-cent pork rinds? You’re a sucker either way, bending over and taking it from the city that never sleeps, and apparently, never stocks Honey BBQ Fritos Flavor Twists.”—Graceann Dorse, Carroll Gardens
em
Thu, May 15, at 06:22am
With all the talk about conserving energy, using less cars and riding bikes, how about adding some more bike racks in downtown Bklyn, giving people a place to lock up. By the boro hall station there are 2 with about a dozen bikes trying to find a spot.
H. Verbeke
Sat, Apr 12, at 06:54pm
Is there something we can do to prevent MEGA 97.9 from advertising.
H. Verbeke
Sat, Apr 12, at 05:00pm
Is there something we can do to prevent MEGA 97.9 from continuing to put up their never-changing, ever-present, poorly-designed advertising from the city subway system??? You know the one I'm talking about: The 2 DJ's have inane expressions on their face as stacks of money come spewing out of their mouths. Before this ad, it was the Frankenstein-themed monkey ad. I mean, come on people! We live in New York City, one of the urban centers of good design. Someone give them a business card.
jp
Thu, Mar 20, at 10:50am
Why do people think they have to have a GOLF umbrella on a crowded city street?
Fish
Fri, Feb 08, at 05:48pm
NYU is destroying this city with its sprawling, crappy-looking modern dorms. Should be a limit to the greedy land-grab being committed by this lesser institution. But the City Council could obviously care less, while older, architecturally interesting buildings are wiped out so that NYU can build itself up. Fuck NYU.
smp
Wed, Jan 30, at 06:00pm
shut up
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