The joke’s on “funny” Jaron.

Photograph: Michael Kirby

CRIME Goofing around on the Internet instead of working
Congrats! You got a job promotion on Second Life. Meanwhile, you were demoted in real life.

VIOLATOR Francis, receptionist
As innocent as Francis looks, she had nothing but pure evil on her computer screen: Scrabulous. Though she managed to play such high-scoring words as quell and exact, she was losing in the little game called employment. “Playing Scrabulous has affected my productivity, but I don’t care,” she confesses. Hey, Frannie, you can get 12 points for what I’m about to issue: ticket.

CRIME Reheating a stinky lunch
Nobody wants to smell your day-old kimchi—even if you work in a Korean restaurant.

VIOLATOR Heidi, TV commercial producer
This miscreant nuked a funky vegan bean salad, violating the nasal passageways of all Y&Rers within a 20-foot radius. What’s worse, she tried to hide the evidence. Admits the felon, “When I’m done, I throw the empty container in someone else’s wastebasket, so it doesn’t stink up my office.” The injustice!

CRIME Surrounding yourself with fuzzy-wuzzy animal pics
The only time coworkers want to see photos of your pet is after it’s been run over by a mail truck.

VIOLATOR Lara, vice president of business for Y&R New York
Lara’s office became a crime scene after I discovered it splattered with pet photos, animal screen savers, mammalian books and stuffed animals. She let the cat out of the bag, admitting to talking about her dog (Maggie) and kitty (Jasmine) “at least 50 percent of the time” at work, not to mention cruising petsmart.com for pet supplies. Might I suggest a muzzle, lady?

CRIME Forcing coworkers to check out something “funny”
OMG! This video is sooo funny!!! You have to watch it!!! LOL!! ;)

VIOLATOR Jaron, copywriterJaron called administrative assistant Erin over to his computer to watch a “hilarious” video that’s been floating around the Internet for years. “He does this all the time,” complains Erin. “It’s totally disruptive.” Jaron was unrepentant: “If I get an e-mail with something funny, I’ll poach it, meaning I’ll erase all forwarding evidence and put a new subject on it, as if I’m the one who discovered it.” Unsubscribe, stat!

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