WE’RE SO VAIN
Whether they’re in—or out, as Heidi’d say—New Yorkers will listen to (but not always agree with) a stranger’s fashion critiques. “You need to wear brighter colors—like a yellow coat,” I told 22-year-old Anna. “Um, I wear black all the time. Why are you talking to me?” she asked. “Are you trying to sell me something?”

I also scolded Ian, 21, for his meat-packing hipster jeans. “Oh wow, you’re the second woman to tell me this today,” he exclaimed.

Eva, 19, wasn’t having it when I told her to lose her hideous skull-patterned neckwear. “I happen to like my scarf,” she said, tightening it around her neck. “Besides, why would I trust a girl with a polar-bear print on her boots?”

At least one woman would listen. “You’d look really amazing with blond hair,” I said to a gal with a shockingly bright Run Lola Run ’do. “Dye it! It’ll change your life,” I insisted. “Really? You think so?” grinned Vivian, 30, touching her hair. “Thank you for your advice!”

DIRTY WORK
When it comes to New Yorkers’ crummy jobs, the sentiment is universal: Mind your own business. Stopping by McDonald’s for a snack, I asked 27-year-old Tana why she works in fast food. “You try living with three kids,” she said. “At least I get to bring free toys home.”

“Do you ever dream of a life beyond ChapStick and tampons?” I asked Natasha, 22, an employee at Duane Reade. “I’m trying to get out of here,” she said quietly. “I love horses and dolphins; I want to be a vet technician.”

Bottom line: You can diss a New Yorker’s hygiene, but don’t mess with their skull scarves!