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GOING DOWNTOWN
I launched my quest by zeroing in on a midtowner in a tie: “You do know where Wall Street is, right?” Paul, 34, screwed up his face and said, “Not all guys in a suit work down there, you know.” Kathy, 58, in Central Park, just laughed: “I work there and still get lost! There are too many closed streets and you end up walking in circles.” Oddly enough, when I inquired about Chinatown’s Hester Street, an astounding 80 percent of New Yorkers I asked were able to help me. But Ramona, 34, in Chelsea, was indignant: “Duh. You really don’t know Hester?!” Um, no?
GOING UPTOWN
“Let Jesus guide you!” shouted Ben, 50, in Union Square. “Can Jesus tell me how to get to Washington Heights?” I asked the soapbox preacher. He graciously stopped his sermon to give me superquick directions uptown. (What a saint!) Terrence, 18, also knew the way: “Hell yeah, I know how to get to Washington Heights—they have good weed up there.” While 54 percent of strangers were able to direct me to the Heights, only one-third could tell me how to get to Malcolm X Boulevard—and it always came with a caveat. “There’s a big rat problem up there,” warned Josh, 24; “I hear they’re attacking kids!” Bambi, 23, was more forceful: “Oh, God! I wouldn’t mess with that area. Take a car.” And Stephanie, 29, was just clueless: “Malcolm X? Like the movie?”
FARTHER SOUTH
“Staten Island? Why would you want to go there?” was the general consensus when I hit up passersby in Murray Hill for directions to the orphan borough. “There’s a lot of eye shadow and sweatpants over there,” said Phil, 28, before pointing me toward the ferry. Though none were huge fans, only a handful of New Yorkers were totally baffled by the request: “Isn’t there a lift to Staten Island?” said Lauren, 23, an UWS native. “Wait, or is that Roosevelt Island?” Next!
EVERYWHERE ELSE
New Yorkers had a tough time differentiating between Greenwich Street and Greenwich Avenue: Only a quarter could give me the right directions. “I’ve heard of Greenwich Village.… There’s a street, too?” said Susan, 60, with a bewildered look on her face. As for Sutton Place, Joey, 21, said, “It sounds like a pair of jeans my mom would wear.” Even the concierge at the W Hotel in Times Square had trouble finding the ritzy strip on the map! On my way home, I spotted Chloë Sevigny in Tompkins Square Park and asked her for directions to some local spots. She took one look at my outfit and dryly replied, “You’ll have to talk to my publicist.”
Conclusion: New Yorkers know how to get from point A to point B, and are more than willing to lead the way (stank celebrities excluded).
