Officer Leu busts Tricia with her pants down.

Photograph: Michael Kirby

CRIME Domestic abuse
Beat your boyfriend all you want at home, but forcing him to trail you while shopping at C21? That’s just cruel.
VIOLATOR Edel from London
Gary, Edel’s victim-fiancé, stood in the women’s department looking forlorn and miserable, listening to his iPod as Edel ransacked the racks. “It’s a nice day, and I wanted to be outside,” he pouted, prompting Edel to snap that they’d only been there for five minutes. “No, it’s been 15,” he whispered to me. Guess we know who wears (and shops for) the pants in this relationship.

CRIME Monopolizing the mirror
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the greediest of them all?
VIOLATOR Yar-Arziki and Mechealle from Manhattan
For ten minutes, I watched these gals hog the mirror in the accessories department, blocking other customers as they tried on 3,249 pairs of sunglasses. “First come, first served!” Yar-Arziki neener-neenered. Then, concerned her piggishness was a sign of narcissism, she added: “I’m not a vain person, but these are a gift and I want to make sure I pick the right ones.” Uh-huh, sure. What these chicks really need are mirrored shades.

CRIME Using aisles to try on clothesThey’re called dressing rooms because they’re rooms in which you dress. Got it?
VIOLATOR Tricia from New Brunswick, Canada
I caught Tricia red-handed and blue-jeaned, forcing a pair of Juicy Couture denims over her yoga pants between racks. Have you no shame, Tricia? “I was in the fitting room once today, and the women in there are brutal!” she cried. “They’re hollering and throwing clothes around. I just can’t go back.” No worries: You’re going to the TONYPD slammer!

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