Date: May 31, 2008 8:54:55 PM EDT
To: inyc@timeoutny.com
Subject: city that never sleeps?

I’m new to New York—moved from South Jersey (ha, ha, ha) a few weeks ago. Love your magazine and love NYC, but something bothers me: All I hear is that this is the city that never sleeps.... So how come nothing seems to stay open past 3am?!? Just wondering if you guys had ever done a 24-hour issue or if you could talk about stuff beyond the usual diners or delis?

Jamie Adams, Financial District

Where to go if you're...

…jetting town
Shot your husband and need to leave the country pronto? For $250–$350, Rush Passport cuts through the red tape, working directly with the Department of State to turn ’ports around fast. Rush president Roman Yagudaev has even made last-minute passports for Grace Jones, Marc Jacobs and Annabella Sciorra (a.k.a. Tony Soprano’s mistress). 875 Sixth Ave at 31st St (877-937-7277)

Photo: Beth Levendis

…feelin’ fat
Late-night Triple Whoppers got you down? Join a gym that’ll bust your bones at ungodly hours. Citi Fitness exercise manager Stephanie Correa says doctors, policemen, strippers and cabbies are among the moonlight patrons—and with good reason: They can purchase a yearlong nights-only membership for just $300. 242 E 14th St between Second and Third Aves (212-598-9800)

…feelin’ lucky
Plasma TVs line the walls of K-town’s Space Billiard Café, where refugees from the nearby karaoke bars come for the pool ($15/hour) and stay for the free hot sweetened tea. 34 W 32nd St between Fifth Ave and Broadway, 12th floor (212-239-4166)

Photo: Ben Norman

…a creative genius
Need a hell’s kitchen apron, like, now? Weekly and monthly renters ($200–$250) at the Lower East Side Printshop have 24-hour access to its presses (including intaglio, monotype and silk screen). But newbies beware: Program assistant Lilly De Lucia says rentals are only for people who know what they’re doing. (In other words, no one is there to show you the ropes.) 306 W 37th St at Eighth Ave, sixth floor (212-673-5390)

…late on those
TPS reports Crap! Crap! Crap! If you’re running behind but are too cheap for FedEx, you can buy stamps, drop packages or check your P.O. box all night long at the U.S. Post Office’s James A. Farley branch. Regular processing hours still apply, though, so your parcel won’t ship any sooner if you drop it at 2am than at 8am. 421 Eighth Ave at 31st St (212-967-8585)

…building a treehouse
Homefront Hardware has been open for roughly 61,320 hours—or 24/7 for the last seven years. Apart from the world’s worst neighbor, who really needs a hammer and nails at 2am? “We’ll get designers in browsing our housewares,” says sales associate Larry Fine. “Plus, if people have emergencies, specialists have a place to pick up supplies.” 202 E 29th St between Second and Third Aves (212-545-1447, hfront.com)

Photo: Beth Levendis

…craving a schmear
Expect to find a mix of Orthodox Jews and their goyim pals chowing down at Avi and David’s all-night kosher kitchen (shuttered only for Shabbes). “Saturday night is lively,” says co-owner Avi Harel. “There’s a large young Jewish community that needs somewhere very chic to go when they finish partying.” 1046 Third Ave between 61st and 62nd Sts (866-336-7933)

…Morticia Addams
Pasty, yellow-toothed partygoers can stop by the 86th Street Beach Bum any hour of the night for a nap in the sun bed, airbrush tan or teeth-whitening sesh. “We tan tons of celebrities,” says general manager Dante Fitzpatrick. “We even tanned Lance Bass from ’N Sync.” Might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie! (Sorry.) 1276 Lexington Ave at 86th St, second floor (212-996-8261)

…two minutes away from a crash ’n’ burn
If you need someone to rid your computer of spyware at 4am (cough, cough), the geeks at Geek Aid are awake and willing. Manager Sanford Wilk says a team of 25 work on-call ($85–$115/hour) to get your system up and running, reconnect you to the Internet, or save your Great American Novel from that Great American Catastrophe called “the blue screen of death.” 1001 Sixth Ave at 37th St, fourth floor (877-433-5243, geek-aid.com)

Juvenex Spa

…itchin’ for a scrub
By day, Juvenex Spa is a girls-only retreat. But from 7pm to 7am, gents who arrive in the company of a woman are also welcome. Popular with celebs (“Paris Hilton was here last week—and Alicia Keys the very next day!” says spa director Michael Modiri) and deep-pocketed night owls, Juvenex offers 80 percent of its standard menu in the wee hours, including body wraps and facials. 25 W 32nd St between Fifth Ave and Broadway (646-733-1330)

…domestically challenged
When Basic Assembly owner Daphney Marin watched her pal disassemble and reassemble her unwieldy sofa, she saw dollar signs and decided to set up an assembly company. “Generally, people don’t want you at their house that late,” says Marin. “But if someone called, we’d be there.” Good to know when that Ikea coffee table is looking more and more like firewood. (718-207-6464, basicassembly.com)

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