Illustration: Meg Hunt

Date: June 26, 2008 4:41:33 PM EDTTo: inyc@timeoutny.comSubject: Better than sex

I’m a 25-year-old single gay guy living in NYC and I need ideas for a blog project I’m doing called Better than sex. The premise is that—as a social experiment and a way to explore the art and cultural offerings of New York City—I don’t have sex for 100 days, but for each of those days, I have to do something that is better than sex. It could be food, a play, a concert, an event—anything under the Manhattan sun. It’d be great if you could recommend some better-than-sex picks that I can explore. Thanks!

Vince SandovalJackson Heights, Queens

Reaction No. 1: What is this kid, nuts? Reaction No. 2: If anyone can help out a celibate city boy, it’s us. Vince, a stylish NYU grad and Manila transplant, says he swore off sex (“Neck up, okay; neck down, no way!”) after realizing that so many of his peers exhausted more energy figuring out the whos and wheres of weekend hook-ups than actually going out and doing stuff. In response, we hijacked Vince’s week—36 days into his coitus-free run—and showed him how we like to do it—when not, you know, doing it.

DAY 36 The first stop on Vince’s TONY-sponsored trek came from Around Town: “Bodies…The Exhibition” at South Street Seaport. (Dunno about you, but nothing tickles our buttons like skinless torsos and fetal skulls.) Vince sped through the first half of the exhibit, but paid special attention in the reproductive and urinary room. Though he glossed over an impressive sagittal cut of the female pelvis, he was quick to note that—lo!—the testicles are not actually connected to one another. An epiphany, sure, but was it better than sex? “This didn’t do it for me,” shrugged Vince. “Some sections, like the circulatory system, took my breath away. But overall, getting this ‘intimate’ with the human body is a total turn-off.”

DAY 37 Eat Out editor Gabriella Gershenson had seven better-than-sex picks for Vince (including an indulgent meal at Ouest), but he craved something he’d never tried: pizza at Franny’s in Park Slope. “The depth of flavor, addictive textures and obvious craft that goes into their pizza makes it a worthwhile distraction from sex,” promised Gershenson. Vince gobbled down half a pie topped with clams, chilies and parsley, and two slices of tomato with buffalo mozzarella and basil. Ultimately, though, he wasn’t sold. “Salty! Salty! Salty!” he cried of the clam pie. Still, he ranked the apps high: “Better than sex with someone less hot than Ryan Reynolds.” Hmm, Alanis Morissette?

DAY 38 At the top of Books editor Michael Miller’s nothing-beats-sex list was a reading with The Believer editor Ed Park and fiction wunderkind Leni Zumas at Solas Bar. “If you’re dumb enough to swear off sex, you might reclaim some intelligence from this smart and arty lineup,” said Miller. Twenty people crowded into the space above the bar—a setup that irked Vince once the boozers got rowdy. “I love the excerpts Park read from Personal Days,” said Vince, “but Solas just wasn’t conducive to book readings.”

DAY 39 When Vince learned that Russian ballerina Diana Vishneva was injured and wouldn’t be dancing the title role in ABT’s Giselle at the Metropolitan Opera House (Dance editor Gia Kourlas’s pick), he looked crestfallen. That changed as soon as Nina Ananiashvili took the stage. Though Vince nodded off four times during the first act, stirring only at the crash of the orchestra, he sat erect through what he called its “Tim Burton–esque second life.” Afterward, he braved a sea of point-and-shooters to snap pics of the principals, who bowed amid a shower of roses. “It starts like your run-of-the-mill Disney love story, but the second act left me spellbound,” said Vince. “This isn’t ballet—it’s witchcraft in tutus!”

DAY 40 “Boeing-Boeing shows how ridiculous sex can be,” said Theater editor David Cote of the Longacre Theatre play. Packed with sexy slapstick, the matinee left an upright audience dancing, clapping and teary-eyed—Vince included. “Who’d have thought I’d go gaga over a philanderer and his harem of stewardess fiancées?” he gushed. “The cast—especially Mark Rylance as the small-town pal and Mary McCormack as the German dominatrix—showed phenomenal comedic timing.” So smitten was our theatergoing kitten, he declared Boeing-Boeing “the best comedy I’ve seen on Broadway in years!”

DAY 41 Film editor Melissa Anderson slapped five stars on her pick and described it thusly: “Desire, surrender, secrets, gender-play, orgasmic release in the form of musical numbers: Serge Bozon’s La France will sate you with the pleasures of the senses before transporting you to the ethereal.” Hot damn! Did Vince agree?“You have to be in a certain mood to appreciate La France,” he admitted, adding that he was definitely in the mood. “It’s gender- and genre-bending, part romantic drama, part meditation on war, part musical!”

DAY 42 “Les Paul, better than sex?” asked Music editor Mike Wolf. “Maybe the question should be: Can anyone who grew up in the past half-century think of sex and not think of rock & roll? Without Paul’s invention of the solid-body electric guitar, rock just wouldn’t rock. And perhaps you never would’ve rolled. To think this 93-year-old titan gigs every Monday blows the mind.” On that note, we scored Vince seats for Paul’s weekly session at Iridium Jazz Club. Was it mind-blowing? “Les Paul can totally still rock and he has this comedy routine that’d give late-night hosts a run for their money,” says Vince. “It was definitely better than sex.”

Four outta seven ain’t bad—so either Vince is easy or we’re just that good. To find out how he spends his next 58 sexless nights (and how he likes TONY sex columnist Jamie Bufalino’s picks), go to betterthansexnyc.com. And use protection!

Got a problem? E-mail inyc@timeoutny.com and we might look into it.

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