It is quite an honor speaking with you, sir. I hope it won’t be too traumatizing for me.
Oh, please. With two Emmys, you know, you should just be sitting on the floor saying, “My God, I’m talking to him, I can’t believe it.” Two Emmys. I said to the people at the Emmys, I’m too big, I won’t talk to anybody anymore. I’m too big.

Have you considered teaming up with Donald Sutherland and Clint Eastwood for Kelly’s Heroes II?
No, I’m too big. Too big. Clint whispers a lot and Sutherland is in Canada trying to get a visa. I don’t see that happening. That was a great time, though. I didn’t realize how great it was until it was over. And it has become a classic kind of thing to watch. People still watch it on late-night TV. Telly Savalas, rest his soul, was just a great friend and a great guy to be with. And Clint was terrific, also. I actually pick on Clint a lot—only because he’s a good sport and I find him funny to pick on. I make fun of his whispering and his personality being dried-up and so on.

Rickles performs at Town Hall Wed 22–Oct 24. To read his thoughts on insulting people, Dancing with the Stars and potential grandchild adoption, go to .

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