Photographs: Clown: Beth Levendis

1 The females run the show
“Women in the goth scene have a strong sense of self and are in touch with their sexuality,” says Sir William Welles, founder of the listings website New Goth City. Translation: The chicks pick up the dudes. “I’d recommend hitting the goth events at Home Sweet Home (131 Chrystie St between Broome and Delancey Sts; 212-226-5708; 10pm), or the outsider-friendly Salvation parties at Don Hill’s (511 Greenwich St at Spring St; myspace.com/salvationnyc; every other Sat 11pm; $3–$5).” Oh, and if you do buy a girl a drink, make it a Bloody Mary.

2 Halloween lasts the entire year and your October is insane
“Every month there are events with different themes,” says Welles. “On September 14, I’ll be at the Clockwork Orange party at the Delancey (168 Delancey St between Attorney and Clinton Sts, myspace.com/byte). One time, the theme was military or law enforcement, and we had latex cops with miniskirts!” And come October, every goth and his evil twin wants to throw a Halloween party. Says Welles: “I’m pretty much out every night then. We have to think of different costumes, too: Last year, I dressed like a normal person.”

3 It’s the tightest community you’ll ever belong to, outside of a support group
Whether you’re gay, straight, a friggin’ vampire, whatever—you’ll never meet a friendlier bunch. “Nobody judges you, as long as you’re not creepy,” says Welles. “And there’s a difference between creepy and spooky.” So where are all of these so-called community members? “Most people don’t dress up during the day,” explains Welles. “Some work on Wall Street, and we call ’em corporate goth. The ballpark figure is around 500 that are truly goth in the five boroughs. Sorry—we don’t have a census bureau.”

4 You can finally ask people to call you Death God Vengeance…the Third
Live as a freak and you can reinvent yourself however you like. “You can have a goth name to sound more ominous or darker,” says Welles, who actually goes by his real name. “It’s about having a double life; You could call someone Mildred by day and Dark Raven at night.”

5 Enjoy all the personalspace you want
When you’re wearing 17 pounds of makeup, a spiky dog collar and a barbell in every orifice, people notice. “If I’m at a deli, I get compliments on my bold style,” says Welles. Outside the deli is a different story: “People give you more space, like when you’re taking the L. I always get two to three seats to myself.”

Serious like a heart attack about joining this morbid bunch?
Read more about it in Gavin Baddeley’s Goth Chic: A Connoisseur’s Guide to Dark Culture.