Video
Why Abstain?
89% of respondents who voluntarily abstained from sex did not regret it.
73% wanted to have sex with a partner, but waited due to reasons other than religion.
4%abstained from sex after realizing that bas sex made them put on weight. All lost weight during their period of abstinence.
8% found sex distracting and needed the energy for something else.
10% believe they are more productive when they are not having sex (or putting the energy into trying to get sex).
4% couldn't be bothered to put in the energy to look for sex.
6% prefer masturbation.
2% abstained because they were uncomfortable with their body image.
6% abstained due to STDs (while waiting for STD results or out of fear of STDs).
4% waited because they wanted respect.
25%abstained as a cleansing ritual.
—Julia Allison (with Megan Alagna)
anon
Thu, Feb 28, at 12:08pm
Ella is a writer. Julia is not. Funny how her choice of topic is merely described as her "thought" which is concluded by the fact that men actually agree with her. Wow. That's something alright...
eyekwill
Wed, Feb 27, at 08:47am
And come on, if one were to do a genuine word-count on Julia's article it would be clear how little she actually conceives and writes herself and how much she relies on quotes from her inbox. I can't believe people like her pull a wage for this. . . .
Wintergreen
Sun, Oct 28, 07, at 11:45am
I want to ball up Julia's article and toss it in the wastebasket. Her prose is too prolix.
J.D. Smith
Mon, Oct 22, 07, at 9:33pm
Ella's comments have a lot of insight and more continuity than the quotations assembled in Julia's column. Julia's isn't bad, but Ella's is simply better.
kory
Thu, Oct 11, 07, at 11:23am
Neither is really that exciting (maybe it's the topic, like others keep mentioning...). But, Julia's was over 50% boring quotes from the mouths of people I don't care about -- 3 guys?? -- we all already know what guys think about sex (i.e., these guys sound like they're full of s**t). At least Ella's writing was compelling enough to make you read to the end. I don't hate Julia and don't know where all the hatred is stemming from, but when you can't make 500 words about sex(!) interesting, maybe it's time to put the column to sleep.
Julie
Thu, Oct 11, 07, at 11:17am
Ella Good wins this one. Julia's a fifties throwback - Ella gives the subject (a tired one true) a relatively modern spin. Sex, food, alcohol, none of them are the problem. Using them to solve your problems? That's the problem. Abstinence is just the flip side of the coin.
Mark
Wed, Oct 10, 07, at 10:15pm
So that's it? Julia gets walloped by Ella and she gets to keep her column? The fix is in, man. She wants to write about getting dumped? Fire her.
Taylor
Mon, Oct 08, 07, at 9:51am
Julia's columns are consistently vapid and offer no insight whatsoever beyond hackneyed observations and quips from the latest Collegehumor.com founder she's sharing her bed with.
RS
Sun, Oct 07, 07, at 9:22pm
Fair enough if you're not a julia allison fan, but NO ONE should think "Temporary abstinence can act as a good charade and make one feel as though one is in control of her own destiny" is sparkling, witty prose! This sentence sounds like a poorly written master's thesis.
barbara
Sun, Oct 07, 07, at 9:09pm
this should be such a great, fun, engaging column that you always want to read, but i just find julia's column dull. i usually don't finish it and now never read it. the topics are dull, the writing is dull- i guess her photo is supposed to showcase her boobs- but that's another story. as to the column i say dull, dull, dull... can't time out do better?
Chris
Sun, Oct 07, 07, at 10:49am
Neither writer fails to come to the root of this problem, in that the use of "TRA," whether used as a means to not sleep with anyone, or as a means to delay with sleeping with a prospective partner, is self-imposed, and is purely based on reaction to one's own past sexual activity. This includes one night stands, and other similar forms of post-sexual regret ("I can't believe I slept with him/her"). In other words, it's used to raise one's self worth (whether mentally, spiritually or otherwise) in his/her own eyes, in an attempt to make up for one's own past sexual transgressions.
Kudos to Ella Good (nice pen name, by the way) for somewhat diving into this topic, while Julia simply cited examples without much commentary or thought. I also find it hard to believe that a 44 year old man would self-impose "TRA." In all honesty, when and how often does he (or almost any man, really) expect to have sex again in the future? Find a better example than a 44 year old electrical contractor (without trying to sound harsh and crude, makes me think of a 5'10" 275 lb. plumber with his butt crack hanging out of his jeans) who might need Viagra the next time he is a with a partner.
And whether he needs Viagra (or simply can't get it up) or plays the "TRA" card will only lead his/her partner(s) to having those same feelings of regret, but this time it will be "Why won't he/she sleep with me?"
Michelle
Sun, Oct 07, 07, at 10:06am
Ella's is a tired version of every college sex column exeunt: anecdote, anecdote, rhetorical question, one-liner ending. At least JA is consistent.
That said, Julia needs to stop trying to make fetch happen! (e.g. "TRA"? This is not a real acronym. Stop trying to make it so.)
Jenna
Sun, Oct 07, 07, at 1:11am
Well, I don't HATE Julia. I read her blog and usually like it. But I do think the column is pretty bad. Again, her blog shows decent writing so this isn't a lost cause but doesn't she have an editor that can tell her a whole piece on people's nicknames isn't that riveting? Anyways, Ella's article is better and Julia's sucks etc etc BUT I do wonder if there is anyone that can write well on this topic on a regular basis. Maybe Ella should send another column in next week and show if she's consistent? I doubt it...the whole idea of a dating column is kinda tired.
Jeremy
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 11:55pm
Julia Allison makes my stomach turn -- the stunning self-absorption (screen shots from the morning shows on her blog!!), the minutiae of her relationship with some freak no one knows or cares about (played out breathlessly as if they're brangelina), all followed up with warmed over, half-thought-out "notions" in her columns. This latest one read like a slumber party with too many boxes if wine. "Oh my God, you guys, I've gotta write this column, who can get some, like, guys on the phone with, like, blurbs?" Ella's piece, on the other hand, was a well-reasoned, interestingly contratrian point of view, with smart (yes, funny) and unexpected points of view. My money's on Ella -- mostly because it was ON TOPIC in an interestingly askew way. Maybe if Julia could actually write a column that wasn't about HERSELF we'd be getting somehere.
Exile Julia to pour coffee forMike and Juliette.
We want to hear what Ella has to say.
annie
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 8:31pm
I don't think Ella wrote about the topic, she actually wrote about the pros and cons of havcing sex too soon in a relationship, whereas Julia wrote about the "assigned" topic: taking a break from sex in a conscious manner. The male angle made it very interesting - I had no idea guys might want to try it, too. I vote for Julia.
Joshua Jordan P
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 8:25pm
I abstained from sex for nearly five minutes reading these two articles. Ella Good wins, pants down.
BethAnn
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 10:19am
Julia hands down. Love her. I think the negative comments or votes are haters / jealous probably. She gave a different perspective vs what most people who automatically would know what the reply would be.
jumpsuitlove
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 8:19am
I actually like Julia Allison - if only because people are so unnecessary snarky about her. I mean seriously if you're not a fan then cool, no need to insult her. Just move on with your lives. Having said that I do think Ella's column was better - it speaks to the reader rather than at the reader (as Julia's does). But if we're being brutal, I'm gonna have to say a dating column feels too old-hat anyway. It's like you're trying to reinvent the stagecoach. Give Julia a girl about town column or something.
Jason
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 2:51am
I'll try this again, because TONY's web site sucks almost as much as Julia Allison. Her 1980s sitcom observations are trite and boring. Wow, shoes, dogs, pickup lines. Good stuff. Can't wait for the column on why guys leave the toilet seat up. Get rid of this column and use the space to advertise Sex and the City DVDs because Ms. Allison has nothing to contribute. Good riddance.
Jason
Sat, Oct 06, 07, at 1:48am
Thank you for the chance to get rid of Julia Allison. Her hack 80s sitcom observations (shoes! dogs! pickup lines!) are a waste of space. I can't wait for her column on why guys leave the toilet seat up. Either get a new dating columnist or use that space to run ads for Sex and the City DVDs, because Ms. Allison has nothing to contribute. Good riddance.
Michele
Fri, Oct 05, 07, at 1:36pm
Keep Ella, lose Julia! Ella's column was interestingly written; Julia's was poorly linked quotes from guys...I suspect she uses the excuse of "writing a column" as a boy-meeting icebreaker. LAME.
Sam
Fri, Oct 05, 07, at 2:32am
Ella 's a way better writer. TONY, dont loose her!
Julie
Fri, Oct 05, 07, at 2:12am
Ella's column was entertaining, truthful, and insightful, and it leaves me wanting more of her thoughts and insights.....ELLA is better for sure!
sydney
Thu, Oct 04, 07, at 8:37pm
ella good gave a balanced view.. as for the rhetorical questions? excellent! i'd rather an author include the reader in the article than hear JA rant about her experiences of TRA.
kimberly
Thu, Oct 04, 07, at 2:05pm
ella good's contribution consisted almost exclusively of questions, none of which she endeavors to answer. not exactly what i would call informative. while i can honestly say that i am WAY more interested in a sex column (thank you, jamie) than a column on dating (which seems both annoyingly female and annoyingly new york), i feel that most of the criiticism focused at julia is manifested in jealousy that she's both good looking and fortunate enough to have her own column at TONY. is she great? no. is she better than ella good? most definitely.
elyk
Thu, Oct 04, 07, at 11:54am
ella good is hella better. that julia allison column is worthless. ella good gets to the point and keeps you reading.
james
Thu, Oct 04, 07, at 8:26am
This dating column is insipid week after week. You took away the horoscopes for this?!?! Who the f*ck cares? People are dumb and this is just more proof.
rizzo
Thu, Oct 04, 07, at 6:43am
ella is a GREAT WRITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love the artical u should be on staff