Guys to girls  |  Girls to girls  |   Guys to guys  |  Girls to guys

Illustrations: Brendan Leach

Guys to guys:

1 Being overly nice will kill you. Playing the shy card is all fine and good if you are genuinely made stupid and speechless in the presence of an awesome girl, but otherwise, save it. She’s still not going to sleep with you.

2 A date is nothing more than making a new friend. It will only be successful if you find some common ground.

3 If you like her, ask her out for a second date that night. (If she likes you, she’ll say yes. If she doesn’t, she might still say yes. Yes, but you’ll sense her hesitation.)

4 Call her as soon as the next day. Don’t overthink it. If you like her, use your phone and talk to her—no e-mails and no texting. Save that for the break-up.

5 Everyone loves compliments. Be genuine and positive. Don’t buy into that “game” crap suggesting you put her down to gain control. That’s just evil.

6 Toss out questions and see if she returns them. If she doesn’t then she’s either not interested in you, narcissistic or really nervous. If you can rule out her nerves, then get out of there.

7 Measure your words. This can be tough, particularly as alcohol becomes more involved in the evening, but a general rule of thumb is that if that little voice in your head is telling you, Maybe I shouldn’t tell her about the time I slept with my intern, listen to the voice.Telling too much will also ruin your prospects with the girl in the future. They don’t forget. Ever.

8 Girls like guys who are assholes on the outside but are actually nice at heart. It lets them think of you as their special little project, they won’t take you that seriously and ultimately makes point No. 9 go down without too much bother.

9 Let it be known that you are not boyfriend material at this point in your life.

10 If you continue to see a girl for awhile, hit the zone if she confronts you on where this relationship is going. It’s a calmness that washes over you which allows you to answer any question honestly and simply without having it seem forced. Girls know when you are feeling trapped or sketchy. Just take the bull by the horns.