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Q I am a man in my early forties, and for the past ten years or so I have had the fantasy to be stretched on a rack. I believe the word for this is racked. As the years go by, this fantasy has turned into more of an obsession. I do not care if the racker (if that’s the word) is male or female. I do not even want to be naked for it, just a T-shirt and a pair of shorts; if you are going to be racked, you should be comfortable! Just the idea of lying there while someone secures your limbs in a helpless position and slowly begins to stretch you out is as much as I can handle! I have decided to act on it. I confided my desire to my best friend. He told me to find a dominatrix or an S&M club. I live in the Carolinas, where this kind of behavior is not usually accepted. However, it does exist. Is going to a dominatrix or S&M club illegal? How do you find a good dominatrix? How does one trust a dominatrix? I do not want this experience to show up on YouTube!
A Really, being stretched is enough of a turn-on for you? Have you tried Pilates? I get that the whole being-dominated thing can push certain psychosexual buttons, but I’m one of those old-school types who likes to, you know, blow an actual load. Of course, the paying-for-sex thing can get you into legal hot water, so it’s just as well that you keep things load-free. You’re also wise to be wary about finding the right kind of dominatrix. There was a story a while back about a Boston dominatrix whose client had a heart attack while on a rack, and instead of calling 911, she allegedly decided to chop the body up into little pieces and dispose of the remains (she got off scot-free, too, because there was no hard evidence connecting her to the crime). If I were you, I’d go to an S&M club. They’re perfectly legal—at least they are in places that prefer to have their laws focus on stuff like gun possession rather than sex (so I can’t 100-percent vouch for your neck of the Southern woods). A well-run S&M club will enforce certain protocols (no photography, explicitly expressed consent, etc.), plus they’ll have all the equipment you’ll be looking for. Of course, if you’re a risk-taker, there’s always Craigslist, where you’re bound to find someone looking to provide the service you need. In fact, here comes one now (from Raleigh, North Carolina): “Are you ready to have some fun! I hope so! Come and let me give you a relaxing body massage! Let me bring out all of your sensational feelings, and lets play and have some real exotic fun!!! Three beautiful ladies to choose from! Incalls/outcalls fetishes, dressing up, dom and more fun! WHITE GENTLEMEN ONLY!!!” Ooh, and racist, too! It really will feel like you’re living in the Dark Ages.
Q The problem I come to you with is not your typical “Get Naked” sex question. However, it does involve pink parts and bodily fluids, and I just don’t know who else to turn to. I’m a 31-year-old gay guy, and I have a problem with the women at my work who wash their lactation devices in the office’s kitchen sink. I’m not boob or lactation phobic; I come from a gigantic family and I am the uncle to 21 nieces and nephews. I am super-duper-uber cool with boob food! There seems to be a steady increase in the number of new mommies in my office. Many times in the past few months, I have gone to the office kitchen to microwave my lunch and end up rubbing elbows with another coworker who is washing milky plastic pieces of a lactation pump. This is grossing me out and makes me feel uncomfortable. Our office should have a designated lactation room for pumping and washing your pump parts. I have considered communicating my feelings on this issue, but fear a political-correctness backlash. Must I endure the thoughts of my coworkers’ boob juice splashed on the office’s kitchen counter, making its way from the bottom of my coffee mug to the top of my desk?
A Although I don’t think it’s realistic to expect your workplace to have a designated lactation room, surely there’s a better place to wash out a lactation pump than a kitchen sink. This isn’t a matter of political correctness, it’s simply an issue of coworker courtesy. Workplace bathrooms are the place where we learn to coexist with our colleagues’ bodily expulsions, and I don’t believe it’s unreasonable to keep lactation-related acts confined to that space. If you’re friendly with someone in HR, and are fairly certain that they won’t rat you out to your coworkers as a prudish gynophobe, then that’s the route you should take. Personally, I would probably just make up a sign that says, PLEASE USE THE BATHROOM SINK FOR CLEANING ANYTHING OTHER THAN DISHES AND GLASSWARE and post it above the sink. No one will know who made the sign, and hopefully your postnatal colleagues will get the hint.
Q I’m a heterosexual female in my midtwenties and I enjoy giving head. Ever since I started the practice of oral sex, I have been into swallowing. After years of doing this, however, I have come to realize that semen gives me diarrhea. It’s gross, I know. Four times out of five, when I swallow, I have to get out of bed a little while later to hit the bathroom. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what the medical cause of this is. So far, it has not been a problem in regards to my sex life. I am often discreet about it, and/or my partners have been too polite to say anything about it or mention it. But I feel as if it is time to get to the bottom of this or at least to think about how to proceed. Should I perhaps try to take a Lactaid-type medicine before swallowing? Should I learn to forgo the pleasure of swallowing a load and encourage guys to spill it all out on my face and/or chest? Should I talk to guys about it? Or should I continue in the way I’m going?
A There’s a protein contained in semen called prostaglandin, which can increase contractions of the bowel muscles, thereby causing diarrhea. It seems to me a couple of the options you’ve laid out—not swallowing, encouraging a semen facial—are suitable suggestions for how to deal with your dilemma. What is not acceptable, however, is forever linking the joy of fellatio with the private, let-me-just-open-this-window-a-crack torment of diarrhea. So no, you shouldn’t just continue the way you’re going, and neither should you burden your fellatee with the image of you hitting the can while he’s trying to concentrate on being properly sucked. One suggestion: Pop an ibuprofen tablet before you start the suck-to-swallowing process. Ibuprofen has a antiprostaglandin effect, which may prevent the diarrhea altogether.
Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com. Check out “Sex on the Street” with Jamie Bufalino at timeoutnewyork.tv.
