Q Hi. I am 21 years old, I pick up your article to read the advice you give to the people that have sex problems. But there is not a reader out there who addresses my problem—I am shy, I can’t talk to females. Last time I had sex was a year ago. I am not homosexual and women are always telling me how cute I am, but then I just become real quiet and they lose interest. Oh, and I forgot to mention that my penis is eight inches and I love having sex. I jerk off so much that I forgot what being inside a pussy feels like. Have any advice?

A As someone who’s a bit of an introvert himself, I came up with a little mantra that actually helped me through all those times when I either said something stupid while talking to someone or couldn’t for the life of me figure out a way to break an excruciatingly long conversational lull. Here it is: “Embrace the awkwardness.” It’s as simple as that. If you’re born awkward, don’t fight it—just roll with it. In fact, I find that it actually helps if you draw attention to it. For instance, if a woman tells you you’re cute, say something like, “Oh God, now you’ve blown it—that’s a surefire way to make me self-conscious and mute.” Then you talk about all the awkward things you’ve done while in the process of trying to meet people—the projectile spittle, the spontaneous flop sweat, the attempt to start a conversation about your favorite animal blogs (which reminds me: You guys have to check out dailycoyote.blogspot.com). Women find guys far more appealing when they’re being real than when they’re trying to be Mr. Suave eight-inch guy (you weren’t shy about putting that out there, were you?). I get the impression from your letter that you may have a bit of a language barrier to get over as well. That’s terrific, because there’s nothing funnier than a story about accent-induced miscommunication. Even if it’s not true, tell her that you once asked a woman, “Is it okay if I text you?,” and she thought you said, “Is it okay if I sex you?” I mean, who wouldn’t be charmed by a guy willing to be that open about his vulnerabilities? Besides, it sure beats sitting at home jacking off while trying to remember what a pussy feels like.

Q I’m 30 years old and pregnant. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for a long time before succeeding, and we are ecstatic about it (as well as nervous, of course). My problem is my husband doesn’t feel comfortable having sex with me while I’m pregnant. I’m not very big yet, and I don’t think it’s the way I look. I’ve spoken to him about it a couple of times, and he knows I feel very hurt because of it, but he says he feels like the baby is right there and doesn’t know how to get over this hurdle. He knows he cannot hurt the baby (and even got offended when I told him this). He says I should help him get over it somehow instead of making him feel bad about it, but I don’t know how to do that. The last couple of times I’ve tried to give a sex “vibe” he didn’t really react to it, and it’s really hard for me to try to initiate anything when I’m afraid of getting rejected. Other than this issue, he’s been amazing with this pregnancy. He takes care of me, makes sure I’m feeling okay and he’s affectionate toward me. I love him very much and I know he loves me, but it’s going to be a long pregnancy without sex, and the bigger the baby gets I think my chances are getting smaller. What can I do to get him over the hurdle?!?

A Okay, so he knows his fear that the baby-to-be would somehow have to dodge his thrusting dick is irrational, but he still can’t get past it? Sounds like something else is going on here. A lot of imminent dads get put off of sex because they’re already feeling the stress of what it means to be a father. The financial strain, the responsibility, the worrying about the baby’s health and well-being—the whole thing can be so overwhelming that some guys lose their sex drive (they tend not to want to reenact what got them into this jam in the first place). Of course, pregnancy sex can be really hot, too. Have you stressed that little factoid enough? What better way for parents-to-be to bond than to fuck the bejesus out of each other? Since you say he’s plenty affectionate, I would take one of those kissy-kissy opportunities to kick things up a notch. Let’s face it, irrational fears tend to go by the wayside when a guy gets worked up enough. You also might want to do some shrewd sex-trading. Since he’s going to want to have sex after the baby arrives and you’re completely stressed out—make him a deal that you’ll be sure to find the time, if he gives you what you need now.

Q I’ve been in a four-month-long relationship with my boyfriend, and he’s 12 years older than me (he’s 38). We are solidly in love, see each other five to six times a week, have sex two to three times a night and it’s all been incredibly amazing. There is a problem, of course, which is that he can’t come when I’m on top of him or going down on him. I can get him to the very edge, but at the last moment he has to flip over, and only when he’s in control can he come. (If we don’t flip over or change positions, I could be there all night.) He told me this was a problem for him the first week we were dating, but I was sure that over time, as we got to know and trust each other, it would fade away. But it hasn’t and doesn’t seem like it will anytime soon. He said he’s willing to try anything to help him let go—can you suggest anything?

A I was certainly feeling the pain of the sexless pregnant gal above, but you’re plight doesn’t really do anything for me. So he needs to feel in control to come? What’s the big deal? Let him flip you over and thrust himself into ecstasy, for crying out loud. Personally, I think it’s just a big ego trip that you’re annoyed that you can’t make him come the way you want to. Everybody has their sexual quirks, and frankly, it sounds like you’re getting a pretty sweet deal if you’re having sex two to three times a night. I can barely squeeze in all my favorite reality shows in that amount of time. Perhaps the phrase quit your bitching sounds a bit harsh in a situation such as this, but what the hell: Quit your bitching.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com. Check out “Sex on the Street” with Jamie Bufalino at timeoutnewyork.tv.

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