Step two: Make firm commands
If he’s not hard yet, putting his penis in your mouth should manifest a physical change rather quickly. For circumcised guys: Lick the shaft from bottom to top along the supersensitive frenulum (the soft gathering on the underside of the penis) and around the corona (the brim of the head). If he’s uncut, gently pull the skin up over the head of his cock and lick at its folds, Jay suggests. Once he’s erect, his foreskin will retract, exposing the head. (You can play with it a little, but be careful because this is an especially sensitive spot for unsnipped guys.)

Step three: Pucker up
Slide your lips over your teeth, “but not so much so that you’re puckering like a grandma,” says Jay. “It’s okay if your teeth aren’t always completely covered—just be sure that they’re not scraping like a carrot peeler.” Once you put him in your mouth, cultivate a good amount of spit. Don’t be self-conscious about slobbering: “Guys like it. They don’t care if you’re drooling or your eyes are watering—the more into it you seem, the better.” When it comes to giving good head, enthusiasm is just as important as technique.

Step four: Get moving
Put your whole mouth around the shaft and make a seal. Start to move up and down, creating a slight suction with your lips. Get into a rhythm, making sure your tongue is constantly moving. “When doing the basic in-out motion, use all the different parts of the mouth,” suggests Jay. “Rub the roof of your mouth’s ridges along the frenulum, or the inside of your cheek.” You can do the porny, tongue-flickering thing on his corona, but don’t linger too long: “You don’t want to treat the penis like a clit,” she explains. “Men want a big, sloppy, spitty in-and-out show.”

Step five: Lend a hand
Once he’s lubed up, incorporate your hand: “If you can’t deep-throat, this is a great way of getting sensation to encompass the whole penis, down to the very bottom,” explains Morty Diamond, a sex educator at Babeland (babeland.com). Use your hand as an extension of the mouth, loosening your grip as you go all the way down and tightening as you pull up. “Another great technique is the ‘bob ’n’ twist,’” Diamond explains. “Twist your hand and mouth over the slippery corona and then slide them all the way down the shaft, moving your lips, tongue and palm side to side as you descend.”

Step six: Get ballsy
Very important: When you start paying attention to the testicles, don’t forget about the penis! You want to keep something (hand or mouth) on it at all times so as not to lose momentum. With your palm still moving rhythmically up and down his shaft, lick his balls from underneath, as if you were enjoying an ice-cream cone, with a flat, sloppy tongue. “You could also cup the balls while giving a blow job, which is a nice feeling,” explains Diamond. “Just be gentle, since most men are not used to someone playing with them.”

Step seven: Pace yourself
“You’ve done a few tricks to get him fully aroused, but to get him to orgasm you need to get serious with a smooth, repetitive rhythm,” Jay explains. Once you get into the groove, don’t change up your momentum. Use both your mouth and hand—and don’t stop (unless he says to).

Step eight: Brace yourself
A couple of nonverbal cues will let you know he’s close to climax. Per Diamond, “His cock will get harder and redder, his moans deeper, and his balls will constrict into his body.” If you want him to ejaculate in your mouth, then just keep it up; otherwise, finish him off with your hand (once he orgasms, lay off, as his penis will be sensitive). You’ve just given this amazing blow job, so what you do with his semen is up to you: “If you’re opposed to letting it go down the hatch, let his ejaculate run down the cock and wipe it up with your trusty sex towel—or a dirty shirt,” Jay suggests.

FOR HER (cunnilingus)

Step one: Warm her up
Set the mood: “You can’t just start out eating pussy,” says Diana Cage, author of Box Lunch: The Layperson’s Guide to Cunnilingus. “You want to warm your girl up, with making out and touching.”

Step two: Work around it
Move down slowly, and start by kissing between her thighs, on her lower belly and her pubic mound. According to Cage, “the most effective way to get her wanting oral is to tease her for a long time with your mouth, without ever actually touching her clit.” When she’s ready for you to go for it, she’ll probably buck her hips toward your face.

Step three: Move in
Start by running your tongue up the length of her vagina. Then, “lick in circles around her clit,” guides Cage. But don’t get stuck on that one spot. “Some people say, ‘If your eyelids aren’t sticky, you aren’t doing it right’—and that’s a good metaphor,” laughs Cage. With your lips and tongue, “move other parts of her around that don’t have to do with her clit.” This lets her know you’re enjoying yourself: “So many women are already uncomfortable with this act, so don’t be shy.”

Step four: Hit the sweet spots
“She’s gonna let you know where she wants the most stimulation. She’ll probably move her pelvis down when it feels too sensitive or buck it up when she wants more attention to the clit.” Cage advises, “Pay a lot of attention to body movements.”

Step five: Maintain the pace
“Most women react to repetitive stimulation,” explains Cage. “When you feel her tensing up (in the I’m-getting-closer kind of way), that’s when you stop teasing so much and focus in on rhythm and the clit.” You can lick up and down for a little, change to circles, and then go side to side. “But don’t switch it up too quickly—rhythm is really how women orgasm. You have to get a buildup happening.” You can drag your bottom lip over her clitoris or add a little bit of light sucking in between your steady rhythm, but don’t let up: “If your neck or jaw is getting cramped, suffer through it or change positions,” suggests Cage.

Step six: Lend a hand
Most women will get off from clitoral stimulation alone. But to push her over the edge, “slide your fingers into her pussy and feel for the G-spot—that ridgy, bumpy area at the top of vagina,” instructs Cage. “Some people will respond to hard stimulation, others a light touch: Start out with light caresses, moving around in a circular motion. If she seems to respond really well, you can increase the pressure.” All the while, keep a steady rhythm with your tongue on her clitoris.

Step seven: Go for seconds
Keep your mouth in contact with her clit as she orgasms: “Keep applying pressure,” instructs Cage. When her climax subsides, “either she’ll be really sensitive and pull away or she’ll be in this wonderful afterglow. If you keep a firm tongue moving slowly around her clit, you might get her to orgasm again.”

Diana Cage hosts The Diana Cage Show on Channel 109, Sirius OutQ.