The pain of these swollen joints is brought on by the crystallization and buildup of uric acid. The attacks last for three to ten days and recur in more than half of sufferers.

“The descriptions of acute gout are among the most interesting in the English language,” says Honig. In 1683, physician and gout sufferer Thomas Sydenham called it a feeling of “violent stretching,” both “gnawing” and “exquisite” (how kinky!).

Who got it
Well, men, for one. For much of history, those suffering from gout fit a rather, er, rotund mold. Called the “disease of kings,” Kublai Khan, Henry VIII and Benjamin Franklin are all rumored to have had the ailment.

Although uric acid accumulation can be triggered by purines­ (organic compounds that breed uric acid) in your dinner, it isn’t just about being fat. “It was associated with gluttony in the 1700s and 1800s, and at that time eating purine-rich foods was done by the landed gentry,” says Honig. “In today’s world, it’s not usually a consequence of a very unusual diet.”

Who’s getting it
Leto, supposedly. The erstwhile Jordan Catalano has since vacillated on his official diagnosis, but he definitely put the condition in the spotlight. Dr. Bernard Lerner of Columbia University Medical Center considers it Leto’s public service duty: “When a celebrity gets something like gout—which hasn’t had its day in the sun yet—it provides good educational opportunities,”says Lerner.

But will your beer gut give you painful night terrors? While nearly 150,000 Americans are diagnosed with the malady every year, it’s not just because they’re OD’ing on a particular deadly sin. After all, these days we have obesity across the board. “Most people who have gout now do not have a rich diet,” says Honig. Genetics also greatly affect uric acid levels, and estrogen appears to ward off those buildups (score one for the ladies!).

What to do about it
There are options beyond giving up, scarfing down double portions and blaming your chromosomes when gout strikes; cutting purine-rich foods from meals can reduce flare-ups. Sardines, some meats, liver, and even spinach and asparagus are especially full of the pesky compound, as is beer (sadly). Since there’s a link between obesity and gout, being in good health certainly helps. Doctors have been treating it for centuries, diagnosing it these days by measuring uric acid levels or by finding uric acid stones passed by patients. Treatment for the condition ranges from pharmaceuticals (reasonably helpful) to chugging cherry juice (not yet substantiated).

So gluttons of the world, don’t stress. Take comfort in the fact that something other than gout will land you in the ER first.