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By Time Out contributors, edited by Sophie Harris
You know it, we know it: NYC is the greatest city in the world, and one of America’s most open-minded places to live (check out these stories of New York niceness if you want proof). But say or do any of these things, and you’re on your own, kiddo. Do you want more great stories about things to do, where to eat, what to watch, and where to party? Obviously you do, follow Time Out New York on Facebook for the good stuff.
RECOMMENDED: The New York guide to life
1. Call NYC dirty. It's a city, not a strip mall!
2. Say you “basically grew up in NYC” when you’re actually from Westchester/north New Jersey/southern Connnecticut.
3. Stop your taxicab/car/bus/pedicab/food cart/bike/truck in the middle of the pedestrian crosswalk, thus flowing pedestrians into traffic.
4. Board the subway car before people have exited.
5. Leave your laundry in the dryer at the Laundromat and not return until long after it's stopped tumbling.
6. Visit New York and think it’s all Times Square and tall buildings.
7. Say that New Yorkers are rude. No, YOU'RE rude.
8. Hear an announcement or read a sign that states your train is rerouted/having work done/dead to you late nights or this weekend.
9. Inform us that the city was better (or more New York) in another decade or time.
10. Tell us how much bigger your apartment is than ours, how much less it costs and that you have laundry in the building and an elevator, and really just stop talking and go back to Texas.
11. Touch us with your wet umbrella. Yes, we know it's raining and crowded, but these are the rules of the road, and you must learn them, young Jedi!
12. Go on a tourist outing with your ginormous family walking 18 abreast and taking up the entire sidewalk.
13. Stand still on the left-hand side of the subway escalator. Remember, people, it's stand on the right, walk on the left—go check out the 20 things a good NYC subway commuter should know immediately if you are in doubt. Worse still, refuse to move when politely informed that there are people trying to walk past.
14. Keep your backpack on when you’re on the subway. Every time you turn around to try and figure out what stop you’re at, you’re hitting us in the face with something the approximate size and weight of a fully grown Doberman.
15. Blatantly upstream another person trying to hail a cab. Stop it!
16. Listen to music/play games/do any noisy electronic thing without headphones in a public place.
17. Did the bartender notice you before all the other people who have been waiting way longer? Go ahead and order a drink, with a side of DEATH STARES.
18. Leave your trash in the hallway of your building because you don't want it stinking up your apartment but are too lazy to go downstairs until you head to work the next day.
19. Swipe your MetroCard incorrectly. Do it one more time, and be prepared to face the simmering rage of the next person online.
20. Build a hideous development—poorly constructed glass "luxury" towers, we’re looking at you—that destroys an awesome/unique/unusual neighborhood.
21. Consider yourself a “long-term Brooklynite” when you are in fact the reason that many real Brooklynites won’t be able to afford the type of house they grew up in.
22. Remind us that the Mets are always going to be…the Mets.
Photograph: Shutterstock
23. Speak any announcement into the subway PA system. Even the most hard-core New Yorkers can't understand what the hell those people are saying, so any announcement at all is infuriating.
24. Remind us that it’s always 75 degrees and sunny in L.A. (How lovely for you.)
25. Suggest that a bagel is a bagel no matter where it's from.
26. Preach on the subway.
27. Enjoy a nice, long conversation with the checkout guy at the coffeeshop when there's a gigantoid line behind you. Courtesy works both ways, Chatty McChatterson.
28. Be the person shuffling (not walking) who never looks up from their tablet, phone or book at rush hour, especially while going up the stairs. We have places to be, people!
29. Suddenly turn the local train into an express one, or a different line altogether, with no warning.
30. Compare any city to New York. Any. Don't even.
Photograph: Shutterstock