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Photograph: Courtesy CC/Flickr/Ruben Moreno Montoliu

Ten reasons not to leave New York, EVER

Written by
Dana Varinsky
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By Time Out contributors. Edited by Dana Varinsky

It has definitely been a rough week in New York. But we're here, as always, to remind you why you really don't want to go anywhere else. We're fully aware that we're preaching to the choir here, but we couldn't help ourselves. Just consider the following for a second. 

1. You’ll need a car
And that’s not environmentally friendly, people. Plus: traffic, parking, insurance. Ugh.

2. Bagels will be severely disappointing
Good bagels are worth paying higher rent for. Even cream cheese and lox are far superior here. There are few things more frustrating than a bagel that tastes like a piece of round bread with some flavorless white stuff spread on it.

3. 24-hour food to your doorstep
Any food you want. Need we say more?

4. The summer
Right now it may seem like we’ll be cooped up inside, resenting the rain and snow forever. But spring is around the corner and those warm months here are heaven—the beer gardens, the free outdoor concerts, the movie screenings, the beach days, the bike riding, the picnics in the park. There’s no city that makes the most of summer the way we do.

5. Your dating pool will shrink dramatically
Yeah, dating is hard in New York, but it’s because the dream that something better will come along could actually come true. Here, the most frustrating thing about being single is that you know there must be some awesome single people hiding out there, and it’s just annoying to weed through the others to find them. Go to a smaller city, and the idea that someone amazing is right around the corner could become a total fantasy.

6. All the entertainment you could ever want
There’s nowhere else you can go out to an amazing concert or show literally any night of the week. And you’ll never find the cheap or free entertainment we take for granted here. On virtually any night, you can see an amazing drag show, a hilarious sketch-comedy showcase and hear Broadway performers singing at a piano bar for the cost of a vodka-soda. You can see amazing things at Joe’s Pub, Dixon Place and other downtown venues for less than what you’d pay for a dinner for two at Applebees. In other cities, equivalent entertainment would cost three times as much and wouldn't be half as good.

7. You’ll actually have to plan how you’ll get home from a night out
You never have to do this in New York. Never. You can get a cab, the subway, screw it, you can probably walk if you get desperate enough. Anywhere else? You’ve got to plan that shit ahead of time. Want to leave early? Tough! Want to stay later? Sucks to be you!

8. The job market might be cutthroat here, but at least there are options
If you want to work in the food industry, or in theater, or media, or at a non-profit, or for the United Nations, or in finance, this is the place to be. Try going elsewhere and let us know how that career in publishing is going for you.

9. The food just won’t taste as good
And there won’t be as much variety. Want amazing Katsu curry? Fresh dim sum? Authentic pierogis? Old-school whitefish salad? Michelin-star restaurants? Good luck finding all that anywhere else.

10. Zombies!
Yes, ZOMBIES!! You’ve seen The Walking Dead, right? It’s actually a documentary that applies to anywhere west of Jersey City.

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