Joke of the year
Fri Dec 18 2009
Which of 2009’s Joke of the Week comics deserves the honor? We’ve nominated our favorite comics. Choosing the winner is up to you. Vote here for your favorite.
"That kid that had sex with his high-school teacher a few months ago—he died today. He died from high-fiving."
"If I had to choose between being eaten by a shark or getting my heart broken again, I’d rather get eaten—at least the shark actually wanted me."
"Some people talk during sex. I like to be dead silent. Except sometimes I will say, 'Thank you for dinner.' "
"I went to a Turkish bath recently. It’s a lot like a regular bath except it doesn’t recognize the Armenian genocide."
"I went to a department store and saw a pregnant mannequin. That really bothered me. You know it wasn't consensual."
"My grandpa gave me three newly minted state quarters, and said that, in his day, those quarters could buy him anything he could want to eat. I said that in his day those quarters would have gotten him arrested for spending money from the future."
"The song 'Do They Know It’s Christmas?' was released to raise awareness about Ethiopia famine in the mid-'80s. What most people don’t know is that the Ethiopians released a response song called 'Do They Know We’re Muslim?' "
"Women are from Venus. Men are from Pagina."
"Occasionally I get recognized from TV. Once, a guy said something but I had my headphones on, so I just went, 'Cool, glad you like the show.' Right after, I realized he hadn’t said anything about the show. He went, 'Hey, your fly is down.' And I’d said, 'Cool, glad you like the show.' Glad you like seeing my dick pop out of my pants."