Ten burger commandments

When it comes to a patty chow-down, these are the rules of the game.

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Illustration: Bryan Mayes


RECOMMENDED: All of NYC's best burgers

Thou shalt always have fries with that. Salads have no place on the plate.

Thou shalt refrain from filler: Onions, peppers and—most atrociously—bread crumbs have no place in a patty.

Thou shalt wholeheartedly embrace the greasy, multiple-napkin gluttony of burger eating. Leave your diet at the door.

Thou shalt always choose the butcher’s counter over the frozen-food aisle.

Thou shalt not lie with turkey, chicken or ahi tuna. These are merely impostors for the true faithful.

Thou shalt acknowledge a triple bacon cheeseburger after 3am only, and only if you’ve slugged enough booze to forget about it by 3:05am.

Thou shalt get down and dirty. This ain’t a dainty affair.

Thou shalt never wield a knife and fork when eating a hamburger. Like pizza and burritos, burgers are a hands-on business.

Thou shalt not put your patty down for idle chitchat. The quality of a burger, unlike fine wine, rapidly diminishes by the minute.

Thou shalt never partake in the blasphemy of a well-done burger. When dealing with good beef, medium-rare is gospel.


Users say

1 comments
Trumpet Grrrl
Trumpet Grrrl

Hehe, food's to delicious for rules... unless it's a "don't eat the beans with lateral striations or you'll die" kind of rule. : D

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