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My daughter owns six tiny yo-yos. She boasts enough stick-on tattoos to open up her own parlor. I’ve lost count of the miniature rubber dinosaurs, snakes and frogs I find underfoot and wedged between the sofa cushions, not to mention the novelty pencils and mini-marker sets. No, we didn’t go crazy with stocking stuffers last year, or get drunk and go on a wild Canal Street shopping spree. We’re simply trapped under the flow of detritus that pours out of our child’s surfeit of goody bags.
So what, right? They’re just harmless knickknacks, fun little gizmos, whatsits and thingies that make kids happy. Sure, they don’t take up much space, even by NYC standards. You certainly can’t complain about how much they cost—they’re a steal. Maybe you can disapprove of these gifts on environmental grounds; they tend to be played with for an average of ten minutes before they break or get tossed into the trash.
But lately, they’re everywhere. Long ago they became de rigueur at birthday parties, replacing simple party hats and noisemakers. Skip the goody bag and you’re disdained by parents and children more than if you refuse to serve a cake. But what’s worse is how goody bags have now infiltrated just about any gathering involving kids. Last October, my five-year-old even brought a goody bag back from her pre-K class’s Halloween party. Halloween? Isn’t it enough to come home with a bag of candy so big that it will permanently alter your child’s BMI ?
Moreover, in some parts of the city word has it that there’s a virtual goody-bag arms race, as parents one-up each other to provide the best loot. Apparently, it isn’t sufficient to rent out Chelsea Piers for your six-year-old’s event and buy enough cake and snacks to sate a horde of first-graders. Now goody bags have themes; they can be curated for the best possible mix of items (and, egregiously, to match the genders of the party attendees); and depending on your social circuit, they can have swag rivaling the Vanity Fair Oscar party.
But I’ll be honest. At the risk of sounding a bit Grinch-like, I admit that I don’t just dislike the contents of goody bags. I hate the idea behind them. I want my children to learn that a friend’s birthday is about giving gifts, not receiving them. I want them to realize that a celebration of a holiday can be complete without walking away with a treat in your pocket. And hey, if I can get some of my shelf space back in the bargain, so much the better.
Noelle Howey is the editorial director of Time Out New York Kids.
