Olander, a self-proclaimed “monsterologist,” delivers plenty of good advice for the fearful: Worried that there are Bedwolves lurking beneath the box springs? Jump, rather than climb into bed—that way, your legs are out of grabbing range. Has a doe-eyed Patooty been ripping the stuffing out of your plush toys, as was observed at the New York City home of six-year-old Jamal? The simple solution: Hide your teddy bears.

Not all of Olander’s creations—er, documentations—are malign. Witness Monster X, who resembles a toothy Barney the dinosaur (only far less creepy) and who hatches from candy-colored eggs that mysteriously appear only around Easter. The author contends that firsthand reports of the beast may have been tainted by “the hyperactive imaginations of children who have eaten lots of candy.” We don’t care—we’re just glad he took the time to jot them down.