My husband and I are so stressed out with work and parenting duties that we bicker all the time.

An argument was already gaining momentum one Sunday night when I casually mentioned to my husband, Jose, that I was expecting a call from a woman who specialized in “marriage maintenance” for new parents. “Couldn’t you have picked any other night?” he asked exasperatedly as he gnawed on a turkey drumstick; this was his sacred manly time for chilling out and watching TV. “Oops!” I replied and ran to answer the phone.

With Jose on an extension, our session with parenting coach Judith Wides of Infant Insights began. Right away, I started complaining to Wides: “I always have to be the first one home after work at 6pm to pick Nina up from our nanny’s apartment, and I resent it. I know the nature of Jose’s job keeps him from getting home sooner, but I have to feed, bathe and entertain the baby, wash bottles and get dinner ready. Plus, I never get to see any friends after work.” I took a perspective-balancing breath. “Then again,” I continued, “Jose does almost all the night feedings because once I’m up, I’m terrible at getting back to sleep.”

Wides prefaced her advice with a little pep talk: Jose and I were ahead of the game, in her opinion, because we’d already mastered the “divide and conquer” strategy that is essential in a couple’s parenting of an infant. Then she cut to the heart of the matter: Jose and I each need to make an effort to recognize the value in what the other person does. She gently reminded us (me, really) that when Jose gets home in the evening, it’s important for us to look each other in the eye and just say hello and ask how each other’s day went. I know she’s right; the last thing my husband needs after a long day at work following a night of interrupted sleep is for me to immediately tell him to take the dog out. He knows the dog has to go out.

Wides asked us if we ever have an evening babysitter. Babysitter? We work five days a week—how could we possibly enjoy ourselves without our daughter when we only get to spend a few hours with her each weeknight? According to Wides, it’s time to stop feeling clingy. She suggested having a sitter come on a weekend in the afternoon when Nina naps so we won’t miss too much time with her. Or we could have the sitter take Nina to a nearby park or museum while Jose and I stay in and snuggle.

I proudly told Wides that we’d planned an adults-only vacation to a Caribbean island this winter with another couple; my mom will watch Nina for the week. She applauded and reassured us this was an ideal time to try an extended getaway because babies Nina’s age haven’t developed separation anxiety yet. Then she suggested that we plan something fun to look forward to every month.

“Nikki played hooky from work one day but still left the baby with the nanny. I thought that was really good for her,” Jose blurted out. I shot him an “I can’t believe you just said that” look; I still felt guilty about it. “That’s great!” Wides gushed. “But how about you both call in sick one day and leave the baby with the nanny?” On a Sunday night with a long week ahead, that sounded like a great idea. Whether we actually pull it off is neither here nor there—just agreeing on something and looking forward to being alone together felt, for now, good enough.

“But what about my always having to get home first?” I asked again. Wides questioned Jose about his work schedule and whether he could ever come home earlier on a Friday to take care of Nina while I went out with a friend. “Sure,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind at all.” I wondered if he’d still relish the idea of daddy duty after a hard week at work, but I decided to let him be the judge of that. (Judith Wides, $150–$225 for a 75-minute in-home consul-tation; 732-397-7544, infantinsights.com).

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