“No one today is handing you a scarlet A because you are an unmarried parent,” says sociologist Rosanna Hertz, a Wellesley College professor and the author of Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women Are Choosing Parenthood Without Marriage and Creating the New American Family (Oxford University Press, $26). But despite learning I was part of an important and increasingly influential demographic group, in the early days of my daughter’s life seemingly every Bugaboo I passed was squired by a loving daddy peering alternately at his tired, glowing wife and tiny, cooing baby. I cried to my ob-gyn during my post-baby checkup, legs splayed in stirrups, about how alone I felt. “If you only knew how many stories like yours I hear every day,” she assured me. This was supposed to make me feel better, and eventually it did. But it’s taken me two years to really appreciate that NYC is home to tons of single parents, of all ages, races and income brackets.

Stories of how the city’s single parents came to the role are as varied as our takeout menu options. Wilson from Washington Heights, for instance, became a single father two years ago, after the Department of Social Services contacted him to take custody of the three-year-old son whose existence he hadn’t known of—while his boyfriend was away on vacation. Then there are dads like Sam on the Upper West Side, whose wife died when their daughter, Rachel, was two. Across town, single mom Diana adopted her daughter, Isabel, from Russia. There are gut-wrenching divorces and amicable splits. David and his ex-wife, for example, are each committed to keeping house down the street from the other’s Bronx home so that their twins, Nicolas and Sofia, can easily spend alternate weeks living with them.

Despite our diverse backstories, we single parents have a lot in common. Though it’s easy to relate to married couples when the subject is Dora or preschool admissions, only another single parent really gets what it’s like to go through the day without a partner to turn to and confide, “Hey, babe, I’m afraid I’m screwing the kid up.” Here’s what I’ve learned from experts and parents who’ve been there.

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