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Ever notice how a certain roster of A-list celebrities regularly rotate in and out of contention for Bad Mommy of the Week? People say they’re tired of hearing about Britney’s neglect, Angelina’s baby factory and Kim Basinger’s unending custody battle. I, for one, am drawn to those headlines. They let me point the finger at someone else, momentarily relieving my guilt over taking yet another business call during dinner. Too bad the smug vindication doesn’t last.
I’ve been at the mom job for ten years, and I’ve made enough outright blunders to give my own parents hours of cackling, interspersed with “Tsk, tsk, tsk”—in the way only guilt-tripping (I mean, helpful) grandparents can tsk. Take the time I let my newly potty-trained daughter pee in her seat at Yankee Stadium because it was a tie game, bases were loaded, and it was the bottom of the ninth. (Don’t fret, Yankees fans: It rained overnight.)
Understandable? How about the time when she was still in diapers and I took her for a morning stroll on the Lower East Side. After an hour, she plopped herself down on the sidewalk and just sat there, strangely nonchalant. “C’mon, honey,” I coaxed, refusing to carry her. When this didn’t work, I tried to psych her out by walking away, figuring that she’d have to pick herself up from the chilly concrete. No such luck. “Stubborn princess,” I grumbled as I scooped her into my arms and hauled her home.
At the pediatrician’s office for a well-baby visit later that day, I vented to the doctor about the incident, thinking she would share some tricks on how to handle a difficult child. Instead, the real difficulty turned out to be my remarkable lack of maternal insight. “You really had her walking for an hour?” the doctor asked. “Didn’t you consider the possibility she was just plain tired?” D’oh!
But hey, I’m not the only Bad Mommy around. Despite my mother’s reproaches, she was hardly Carol Brady. When I was in fourth grade, she slapped me across the face for accidentally cursing. Because she’d just had a manicure and pointy nails were in back then, I went to school with four gleaming crimson scratches running down my cheek.
“Accident, my ass,” she countered the other day. “So shoot me. You deserved it.” She’s 75, but she’s got the memory of a high-school valedictorian.
virna
Sun, Dec 16, 07, at 2:55pm
susan, susan...so brave to lay bare your mommy warts. can't wait to see more! of course, my skill in denial has allowed me to suppress my warts. a few more articles from you and the purging will begin. keep it coming!
Hannah Dvir
Sun, Dec 16, 07, at 11:32am
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Loved the column!
Thank you Susan Avery!
busybee
Tue, Dec 11, 07, at 9:34pm
All right, I confess. The only reason I’m so delighted to run to Duane Reed and buy Sponge Bob toothpaste for my 4 year-old is so that I can relish my time on line flipping through the travails and Britney and Angelina. Now I’ll have an even more fun place to get my bad mommy fix. Susan Avery’s hilarious column has the honesty of Urban Baby confessionals minus the preachy mudslinging of working mom vs. stay at home moms. All bad (busy, multitasking, well intentioned, harried, sleep deprived, A-for-effort) moms unite! We can’t wait for Susan’s next adventure.
badmommyintraining
Fri, Dec 07, 07, at 2:25pm
so funny! i normally don't read about parenting philosophies because most of what's out there is so judgey. just weeks away from having our first child, it's nice to know some people are willing to admit they don't know everything.
Rich
Tue, Dec 04, 07, at 7:06am
Wonderful! Parenting is a wonderful thing, but at least Susan is gracious and brave enough to show us some of the warts as well !
jzr
Mon, Dec 03, 07, at 3:34pm
What a great premise. A regular column on how imperfect we moms (and dads) can be. Genius! I'll be sure to share some bad mommy moments on here in the future. Anonymously, of course.
Steve
Sun, Dec 02, 07, at 10:27pm
Speaking of baseball, I've let my little son stay up past his bedtime to watch "just one more inning, Daddy." Of course, I'm a Bad Daddy by passing on my Mets fandom to him and condemning him to a lifetime of heartbreak.
Tabitha
Sat, Dec 01, 07, at 10:53am
You forgot to throw in sleep deprivation as the #1 cause of Bad Mommy -itis! As I was talking on my cell phone to the new sitter, I got off the bus and THEN realized i left my 4 & 6 yr old kids behind as I watched the doors close! i had to Flo-Jo to the next stop w/3 bags in my arms and have an entire bus tsk tsk me!
Patricia
Sat, Dec 01, 07, at 8:15am
I laughed out loud. Susan your funny, layed back personality shined through each word. Everyone has a Bad Mommy moment but just won't admit it. Maybe this will open the door to purge us all from the GUILT.
elena n
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 1:22pm
Love this article, especially the anonymous-sharing angle! It reminds me of my times in the confessional. So about that penance, where do I start . . . ?
Tom Henderson
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 10:24am
This is laugh-out-loud, coughing-up-phlegm funny. Susan Avery has long been one of my favorite writers. I'm glad she finally has a forum worthy of her formidable talents.
N.L. Henegan
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 9:54am
What a hoot! She's so right and so honest. I would admit my own Bad Mommy moments here but I'm not ready yet. I need to read more of these columns to get my courage up!
Philien
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 8:54am
Love this column , very funny- and makes me feel better. YES - I'm totally with you!
Ameena Meer
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 6:51am
Oh man. I am totally a BAD BAD BAD mum with a capital B. Despite all the stuff I've read and my shrink. I react in the stupidest most obviously counterintuitive (and cliche) bossy, overbearing mum ways. I LOVE reading those covers in the supermarket while I am buying the organic wholegrain twinkies for my kids. Just makes me feel better than my kids are not eating brie and baguettes and asparagus.
hank widrow
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 6:22am
Wonderful column i'm with you all the way
Holly
Fri, Nov 30, 07, at 12:24am
Great column -- know exactly where she's coming from.
Lee
Thu, Nov 29, 07, at 10:46pm
OMG, this is so funny. Totally made me feel better about my own parenting. Thanks!
