Battle (star Galactica) of the weeklies
Fri Apr 13 2007
It may seem like small news on the scale of noteworthy information, but this past Wednesday night marked the final evening of the esteemed New York All Media Bowling League. Sure, the league has been full of upsets (that's right, Comedy Central) and mudslinging (oh, Gawker, bless your hearts) from various members of the media elite, as well as moments of utter joy seen in come-from-behind wins and excessive smack-talking. But for the TONY Sopranos, everything was mere child's play up until Wednesday night, when we were to face our crosstown rivals (a.k.a. the Lowbrow Despicables): New York magazine
Arriving at Port Authority, uniforms pressed, Oasis Day Spa masseuse Yu-huan Wong at the ready, the Sops had only one goal in mind: annihilate and destroy. Hours of video review and team strategizing had already produced the perfect lineup of Johnny Smooth, El Diablo, Stevie D and, secret intimidation weapon, Tin Tin. But as we settled into our side of the alley, an eerie familiarity faced us across the center table. Our adversaries had the exact same colored red-and-black uniforms. (Funny, we didn't remember New York magazine's logo ever being red and black...) Just goes to show what imitation really is.
The game began, and for the first five minutes, it looked as if the two weekly mags really were on par with each other. Then Johnny Smooth threw a spare. And then another. Then another. Then a strike. By the fourth frame, they'd begun to fall apart. Tin Tin held steadfast in the wake of their pressured glances. El Diablo showed off that remarkable spin. And Stevie D, though he struggled at the beginning, showed our foes he was only trying to make it interesting. By the time the dust at Leisure Time Lanes settled, there was nothing left of New York mag.
Heads high and walking tall, we packed up our stuff and headed to lane 14, leaving our opponents folded over in shame.
As for the rest of the evening, we don't really remember. There was something about Entertainment Weekly maybe winning and some frak-offs from the Sci-Fi channel handing our lovely, massaged asses to us, but, as we're sure Tin Tin might say, why get caught up in details when it's really all about having a good time out? Which we did.
And we beat New York magazine.
Afterward, we celebrated our victory by heading to our new favorite watering hole, Port 41, and we indulged in some very bizarre behavior, but that's another blog at another time.
Additional reporting and trash talking by Katharine Rust