Dateline: January 20, 2049
Tue Jan 20 2009
TONY's assistant editor imagines how we'll explain this day to our descendants.
Zeus, Blaze, Phoenix, Aerosmith—gather round, my grandchildren:
Your grandfather wants to talk about the day when Barack Obama (we had normal names back then), the first African-American President, was inaugurated into the Oval Office. I remember it like it was yesterday. I recall the week before it, I had rescued all the passengers from a plane that had crashed into the Hudson—remember, this was before the invention of the flying bike and the flying car (and the eventual creation of the flying Segway). Anyway, approximately 50 bajillion Americans were at Capitol Hill, huddled together and chanting "Obama, Obama!," and 20 more bajillion New Yorkers were watching it from their offices—me being one of them.
The freshly anointed President stood proudly, full of promise, in his red tie, and there wasn't a man, woman or child with a set of dry eyes, especially after cyborg cellist Yo-Yo Ma played his cello like it was made of our heartstrings. After all the wooting and yipping, we gave birth to the first African-American President—and this was when there was color of skin, instead of you mixed-rainbow babies we have now. Oh, and then Obama righted all the wrongs in our country and even fixed our economic recession before Starbucks gift cards became our primary monetary system. The end.—James Y. Lee