Five Things I Learned at J.B. Smoove's Comedy Central taping

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Giving birth to yourself is an extremely successful way to start a comedy show. The set began with Tony Yayo's "So Seductive"—a song that J.B. said was so good, you could make a baby to it. He then proceeded to tuck his bald head into his white T-shirt collar and slowly "birth" it back out.

My boyfriend will be immortalized as a "weak-ass comer" on Comedy Central.
Smoove, a self-proclaimed "big-time comer," called my boyfriend out and compared his own loads (using the microphone wire to illustrate) to my boyfriend's loads. 

King Kong would have been a very different movie if the ape had a johnson.


If you're going to kidnap someone, do it in a late-model black van. Don't try to kidnap someone in a new van. The doors open and close too slowly and awkwardly.

A woman wants to feel protected by her man—and the way he produces this feeling in her is by lifting her up during sex. J.B. isn't strong enough to lift his wife, so his wife lifts him...around her shoulders.

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