Gossip Girl, Season 2: "The Dark Night"

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The showiest show ever gets crazier by the week. Were we there? Proudly, shamelessly.

Josh: “i'm not a delicate flower,” amy!
Amy: oh, man. homegirl is manipulative as HELL in this episode.
J: except here's the problem: all of blair’s scheming…over little lord fauntleroy?
A: initially i thought it was to make chuck jealous, which would have been awesome.
J: even if he doesn't have a "romantic bone in his body"?
A: ew. because she wants all of the stuff that comes with dating a lord, like a tiara. chuck’s gross, but i love it.
J: should we explore that?
A: well, only when gross is accompanied by ascots and an alcohol problem.

J: i like it when the show sticks to high school conceptions of love, like your tiara theory above. but really, who actually says: "What does he call you when he makes love to you?"
A: omg, i know. it was much more realistic to have him say "have sex with me."
J: yes.
A: no teen boy ever calls it making love. no normal person ever calls it that.
J: also, please clue me in (and i say this as a huge serena defender): why are they breaking up again?
A: because dan is a pretentious twat?
J: what are the so-called “issues”?
A: he can't hang with her money and her connections.
J: um, sure. and i'd have that problem with blake lively too.
A: dan's an insufferable, thinks-he's-smarter-than-he-is teenage boy. i dated a guy like that. they're pretentious, idiotic twats. maybe i’m projecting a little.
J: but he got fired by jay mcinenrnenenneney. how smart can he be?
A: smart enough for the new yorker!
J: okay: can we agree? PLEASE bring back the creepy greek chorus of little girls in the park.
A: i LOVED that.
J: they should be in every episode.
A: it's so very true: teenage girls will get all up in someone's business without provocation if they think they're right.
J: and they were making little saucy cocky faces. it's was totally adorbs. but also strangely evil.
A: yeah, the little girl who was a serena supporter was seriously making devil eyes. but small precocious children always scare the bejesus out of me.
J: brb. my lunch is here.
A: k
J: they scare me too. and here's the brilliant thing about the show: the main characters are also little children—or should be. not "make love to you" people.
A: totally right. they're supposed to be teenagers. but their way of speaking, etc., is sometimes off.
J: have u ever been trapped in a elevator?
A: only momentarily, in my first real apt. have you?
J: here at our lovely offices.
A: oh, gross.
J: suffice it to say, it wasn't with my girlfriend.
A: i get the feeling that being trapped in close quarters with a significant other would make you want to kill them, whether or not you're a hormone-driven silly teenager.
J: probably. it's like the equivalent of a desert island. survival. meanwhile, look who we haven't mentioned or care about?
A: aww, poor little j. i wish i could be interested in her storyline because i think it's the easiest to identify with, in that she's not a drunk or a gigolo.
J: strange that you wouldn't identify with the gigolo one.
A: but it’s like: “Waahhh!, i got fired for mouthing off!”
J: not like TONY at all, ;}
A: HA. though, to be fair, jenny was right: that eleanor waldorf dress was fug, and did look like something a pilgrim would wear to a funeral
J: if my (nonexistent) intern mouthed off, i'd totally make her sweat then give her a second chance.
A: me too.
J: do you have an intern today that i can do that with?
A: i think we’re done.

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