If Brooklyn Bridge Park were a person, I would not date it

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BUT I'D LEAVE IT IN MY TOP 8 AND CONTINUE TO APPROVE ITS COMMENTS SO LONG AS THEY WEREN'T CREEPY BECAUSE ANYTHING ELSE WOULD LEAD TO A BIG CONVERSATION ABOUT IT WHICH I SO DON'T WANT TO HAVE BECAUSE HELLO, AWKWARD CITY, RIGHT?

If Brooklyn Bridge Park were a person, I would not date it, based on its MySpace profile, that is. See it all started when I traipsed over to Curbed, because real estate is hot hot hot right now, people, so hot that you should probably feel bad about yourself and your lack of owning and your lack of funds and your lack of interest in bubbles and speculative whatnots, lord knows each time I piss away a rent check I do, especially when I dribble a little on the seat, and found this item about the Brooklyn Bridge Park and how plans will likely move ahead because a lawsuit was dismissed.

And then before I knew it, and I don't even want to say why or how so don't you grill me on it or else I will just clam up I will, I was looking at the BBP's MySpace page and musing about the kind of romantic relationship we'd have were things to go that way. And you know what, I don't think it'd be very hot. Nor do I think it'd be a walk in the park, which is ironic. Know why?

Because I just get the sense that the BBP would be the kind of date that would gently chuckle at your jokes and so you'd think it has a good sense of humor but then one day you'd realize that really, you are the only one making jokes, you are the only one ever making jokes and the BBP isn't even laughing anymore and instead is saying things like "you're weird! where did you hear that?!?" and using emoticons and my god, did the two of you ever even know each other to begin with? Who is this park sleeping in your bed? Because you are twisted in all kinds of ways and the BBP is painfully normal. And normal scares you. But then, so does really twisted.

Which is why if the Brooklyn Bridge Park ever asks you out on a date, and you happen to be me, you/I/we are definitely busy.

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