Today: Tuesday, July 10

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Lie back and think of Antarctica

Yesterday I told you that I might regale you with stories of tap dancing today, but instead I'm going to take this special you-and-me moment to remind you that there's no time like the present for rioting, wilding or engaging in senseless acts of heat-wave sex. It's currently 217 degrees but it feels like 312, and tomorrow it's likely to not break the upper two hundreds, so you best get on it. Catch rainbows in mason jars tomorrow! For today, there is only wearing gauzy, filmy, barely there clothing, melting ice cubes on your nubile flesh while bad '80s music blares in the background and unleashing urban hostilities. Unless none of that interests you, in which case there's always comedy show Drink at Work. Staying hydrated is important, people!

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