Today: Wednesday, May 9

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I don't eat Velveeta, but if I did I would spritz it with spray dressing.

So I'm sifting about for what it is you're going to do with your day when my eyes fix on something that I know will be right up your funky-smelling alley: a lecture about cheese that involves a tour of cheese caves, about which I could make some jokes but I won't because I am a grown-up. And as I'm reading more about it and pretty sure you are going to melt (get it?) and swoon (nothing to get) over this event, I realize that lo, it's on 37th and Tenth. Know what else is on 37th and Tenth? I am! I'm so confused! I never knew about Time Out's proximity to cheese caves. This is totally like that dream you have where you discover a room in your house that you never knew was there. I thought it meant that I secretly possessed special life skills, but really it just means I work near cheese! This is terrible!

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