Your 1 Thing for today: Monday, Feb 5



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Sometimes you just gotta paint your face, wear your team's jersey, knock back a few tall boys and then answer your football phone by belching into the handset.


Wow, can you believe the game last night? What a triumph/travesty! I was on the edge of my seat/bored to tears! I mean, can that team play/suck or what?!? Could they be any better/worse/indistinguishable in any way? I'm embarrassed for/happy for/one of/no longer one of their fans! By the end/middle/beginning if you can believe, I was pretty surprised/no longer surprised. And that one play was unbelievable/retarded/invisible! I mean, is it a ball or a blueberry pie? Who does that? Only some kind of genius/idiot/football player. Just rub some dirt in it, you buncha little girls! And the audience sure was going nuts/not going nuts. I liked when they did the wave/ate snacks/proposed on the giant screens. Truly heartwarming/atrociously salty. Did I have money on the game? Hell yes/no! That's why I'm eating ramen/getting a hummer in a Lexus as I type this! Pretty brutal/sweet! I'm sorry, was that inappropriate? Well no more inappropriate than that one part of the action that everyone will be talking about/will have forgotten about/for a long time/by tomorrow.

And yes, like most Americans, I like to wash down a game like that with a collection of posthumous essays by Susan Sontag. Lucky for me there's an event I can go to in the subfreezing weather at 8pm tonight at the 92 Street Y. It's a tribute to the late cultural critic, and her friends and colleagues will be there. So should you.

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