Your 1 Thing for Today: Tuesday, Jan 23

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I once wrote a sex column. It was called "Come Here Often." My parents couldn't have been more proud.

Every time I pass you on the blog, I get this sense that there's something you want to say to me, and I wish that you'd just come out with it. The puppy dog looks, the pregnant pauses, the second-trimester pauses, the longing gazes, the sighs, the love notes, the poetry that, hello, that's hardly a sestina. When will it end? I can't be yours, okay! I belong to the blog. I am married to the information superhighway. And new media is a harsh mistress, believe you me. It's a life you'd want none of. You should stick to your little sex writing gig.

That caught your attention, huh? So typical. I suppose you'll be heading to KGB Bar tonight to hear Grant Stoddard, who used to write a column for Nerve wherein he'd engage in all manner of sexiness and then write about it, read from his book about said adventures, Working Stiff. You should also stick around to hear Virginia Vitzthum, a TONY contributor no less, read from her book I Love You, Let's Meet: Adventures in Online Dating.

And then you should really consider taking ukulele lessons if you're going to persist in trying to serenade me on said instrument, because of those four strings, you are adept at none.

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