BDSM 101

So you like it when she drags her fingernails down your back, maybe even a little nipple biting and hair pulling. But are you ready for whips and chains? Here's where to go to find out.

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The seven rooms of Pandora's Box include the Medical Chamber and China Doll Room.


 


New York used to be a haven for the BDSM community, but with the cops raiding spaces like Rapture NYC and the Nutcracker Suite over the past few years, the scene has gone all but mute. “Police kept coming in, saying that sex was happening,” says BDSM educator Lolita Wolf (leatheryenta.com). “But there are different definitions of sex.”What does this mean for all you curious types? Finding a dungeon, play party or private mistress/master is a tricky (but not impossible) undertaking. Use this guide to get started.


Best for newbies


The Eulenspiegel Society, otherwise known as TES (tes.org), is a not-for-profit that promotes sexual liberation and education. “It’s the 500-pound gorilla of the NYC BDSM scene,” says kink educator and queer sadomasochist Sarah Sloane. “It’s a pansexual group with membership in the hundreds.” Newbies can wet their feet at TES’s Novice Excursion, led by Lady D & Bo on the third Saturday of every month at Chelsea Gallery (72 Seventh Ave between 14th and 15th Sts; Oct 17 9:30--10:30pm, free). First-timer tip: Don’t overthink your wardrobe. Show up in some corseted, ball-gagged contraption, and you may feel like a fool. Save face and “just wear black,” says Wolf.


Another option is the NY Apple Munch (applemunch.org), which meets the third Friday of every month at the BDSM-friendly Moonstruck Diner (400 W 23rd St at Ninth Ave, 212-924-3709; Oct 16 at 7pm, free). The gathering is ideal for beginners and conveniently located near Paddles (250 W 26th St between Seventh and Eighth Aves; 212-366-9339, paddlesnyc.com), the city’s “friendliest” club for spanking, cross-dressing and other sub-dom shenanigans.


Best for couples


Couples can dig into a session with select dommes at Mistress Elizabeth’s (25 W 38th St between Fifth and Sixth Aves; 212-391-0600, mistresselizabeths.com), a dungeon outfitted with the usual torture devices: violet wands, rattan canes, even a vintage dental chair. “We have experienced people,” says owner Richard Winsjean. “Plus, it’s homey.” Just remember: When booking a heterosexual couple-play session, it must be the female half who arranges it—even if she’s the sub.


Wanna-be masters and slaves can also book a primer at La Domaine Esemar (518-781-6209, ladomaine.com), the world’s oldest BDSM training facility. Once you pass the initial screening, Master R and Mistress Collette will design a visit to meet your needs. The main guest room is equipped with an X-shaped cross, hanging ropes, clamps, shackles, handcuffs and fresh flowers, but you can also rent out the 1,250-square-foot dungeon (complete with whipping post, stocks, gas masks, ball stretchers, branding irons and more) for an overnight stay. Slaves are available to bathe you, shave you, etc., and the property features pony-play equipment and a schwanendreher, or outdoor spit.


Best for singles


Though couples and single gals can indulge in private sessions with expert mistresses Barbarella or Layla at Pandora’s Box (250 W 26th St between Seventh and Eighth Aves; 212-242-4577, pandorasboxnyc.com), owner Mistress Raven says that most of her clients are single men. The 15-year-old dungeon offers seven rooms, one for every predilection: a Chinese Torture Chamber with a foot-worship throne and CBT (cock-and-ball torture) bondage chair; a Medical Chamber for enemas, water sports, catheters, sounds and the like; even a China Doll Room for transvestites and sissy boys who want to cross-dress or play with strap-ons. “Each room creates a mood,” says Raven. “You become somebody else instantly, and the world is left outside the door.”


Going solo, ladies? “BDSM clubs tend to get far more single men than they do single women,” warns Sloane. “Your best bet is to go on nights when they host a party for one of the local groups.” For women, she recommends Margaret Davis’s 12-year-old Spanking Club of New York (scony.com), whose M.O. is “old-fashioned, platonic, traditional, institutional, loving and parental discipline.” The group holds events throughout the tristate area, and biannual retreats like the Friday 9--Sunday 11 Spanking Weekend.


Gentlemen seeking homoerotic, hog-tied fun should throw on some chaps and check out the NY Bondage Club’s Sunday sessions at Paddles (nybondageclub.com; 7pm--1am). And for a dungeon-equipped, queer-friendly party scene, Wolf recommends the monthly Sex Party and More (SPAM), hosted by the same folks who do Submit (locations vary; 718-789-4053, submitparty.com.). “I like all the nooks and crannies and being able to watch,” says Wolf. “It’s a friendly place to play.” So long as you aren’t hetero, anyway.


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Users say

3 comments
kawal
kawal

Hi I am 28 male from mumbai I like bondage who can tie me .ple contact me soon..

Marc
Marc

A few quick questions: If I come to NYC in the future would I be able to be restrained in such a way that it wouldn't effect my stomach operation - and cover it loosely - (have you had this before?), that my arms would be at my side, that I would be forced to give blow-jobs (I'm a first-timer), and would be able to sucked off and WOULD BE, WITHOUT BEING PENETRATED AT ALL IN MY HOLE (I don't DO pain at all) while wearing a face mask? This may be a tall order and impossible. What about cost?