Meet the Undateables: Ned and Ilana

These lovelorn New Yorkers swear they’re absolutely undateable. We pair them up to see if they’re right.



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The date: Dinner at the Marshal (628 Tenth Ave at 46th St;

First impression
Ned: “I have a physical type that I like and she doesn’t fit that bill. I don’t want to sound shallow, but there has to be a physical attraction. She had a cute face on some levels.”
Ilana: “He got there first, so he was waiting at the bar. He’s definitely not my type. I generally go for taller and bigger guys. He’s like all the shorter Jewish men I grew up with.”

Ned: “She seemed reserved, but as the evening progressed she opened up, which was cool. I got the impression she’s a little sheltered, which she admitted.”
Ilana: “He was drinking fruity virgin drinks. I hate to sound judgy, but I don’t want a guy who drinks virgin mojitos. I barely want a guy who drinks regular mojitos. I’m a handful. He wouldn’t be able to handle me.”

The conversation
Ned: "It was certainly engaging conversation and she seems like a cool person. She was telling me a little bit about her relationship with her boss and how congenial it is and she’s lucky about that."
Ilana: "He said something about having issues with food. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have issues with food but I am not looking for a guy who is telling me on a first date. I just assume everyone does. It’s not the kind of thing I’d throw out on a first date. I kept my issues to myself."

Ned: “We were both walking in the same direction, so I asked whether she’d mind if I walked with her. She gave me a hug and I got her phone number.”
Ilana: “When I gave him my number, he called my phone and left a voice mail (while I was still standing there). I felt like he was my dad or something.”

In three words
Ned: Ilana is "friendly, quirky, generous."
Ilana: Ned is "intelligent, kind, warm."

Ned: “I’m not sure. I’d like to possibly go out again to see if there’s anything there, but I didn’t feel that spark. I think it’s best to remain open to possibilities.”
Ilana: “I wouldn’t say it was a bad date; it was just a no-connection date. He has personality quirks I don’t think I could deal with.”

Undateable? E-mail us at to get set up.

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