Sex addiction in New York City

Does it really exist? We asked New Yorkers to give us their numbers.

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In Shame, Michael Fassbender plays a young Manhattanite grappling with his sexual compulsions.

In Shame, Michael Fassbender plays a young Manhattanite grappling with his sexual compulsions.

Jonah, 35

His number: "30ish."

I was in the all-glass steam room of Hotel Grace for a party. On a whim I mooned my friend, pushing my butt cheeks against the glass. My friend and a girl started mooning me back. Then a girl standing next to me got inspired, ripped off her bikini and smooshed the front of her body against the glass. I helped push her into the glass thinking it was funny, then the excitement of our steamy bodies got me hard. She responded by moaning and leaning into me, putting my hand on her hip. I gripped it, bent her over a little and slid my cock in and out for a few seconds. It felt unreal. There were several people in the steam room, but they couldn't really see what was happening. She left shortly after, and I never saw her again. I don't even know what her face looked like.

I like what Kinsey said: "A sex addict is someone who has sex more than you." But if someone is having sex despite a deeper desire not to, yes, this person has a sex addiction. One of the tenets of morality is the drive to avoid harm. If you're tearing apart families/relationships, spreading STDs and treating people poorly, you should reconsider your actions. But if you're enjoying yourself with consenting adults on the same page, I don't see what the problem is.

Whitney, 24

Her number: Around 150.

There are people who are addicted to anything, but unfortunately people who simply really, really like sex get lumped into this category.

I meet people from OkCupid. It's kinda my thing. I've found that OkCupid is just the easiest way to hook up. I have a rotating number of guys going at any given time, guys I might never date or have much in common with, but these are guys who have beautiful bodies...so why not? Doing this a few times a week adds up, and that is okay with me. I will say that as a woman, you can go to a bar and pretty much find a lay within an hour. You don't even have to dress all fancy: Just wear combat boots; it reminds dudes of Angelina Jolie in Hackers.

I've done the train hookup, I once had sex in a taxi. It was nice; the driver thanked us for spicing up his evening.

Lori, 22

Her number: 24

I finally did the whole meet-a-guy-on-the-subway-and-go-home-with-him thing! Is that a thing? I think it's a thing. It's definitely a dumb thing, but I'm lucky this guy turned out to be really cool.

And I think sex addiction is a real thing. People can be addicted to just about anything psychologically, and our brains produce chemicals when we have sex that are likely physically addictive for some people. That said, sex addiction is probably thrown around too casually as a means to excuse (or pathologize) non-normative behavior.

Vicky, 43

Her number: "In the hundreds, but I'm in my forties, and I've aged really, really well."

I identify as a pansexual femme top. Bottom line: I am the fucker, I don't get fucked. Once I was really drunk and picked up a hot blond (also drunk) at last call. I suggested we go to her place and she agreed. But then, once we were there and fooling around I remembered this huge dildo at my place I wanted to fuck her with, so we put on long coats with nothing underneath (I reiterate—we were really fucked up) and went to my apartment.

I had lost my keys, and the window was broken so we climbed up the fire escape. Later in the morning, I discovered she had stolen my keys and cash!

A person can be addicted to anything. I was once with someone who said he was a sex addict. He had it under control when I met him, but before he couldn't concentrate and it gave him a stutter. He went to a lot of therapy and said he found ways to distract himself, but still feels hypersexual. That's not a bad thing, though.

It's way more fun to be slutty in a city that is poised in the center of the world. There is such a diversity in NYC—in terms of aesthetics, culture, sexual preferences, gender variance—and diversity is fucking sexy.

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7 comments
James
James

This article trivializes things. It doesn't bring out the loneliness, despair, shame and hopelessness that sexual addiction brings and has brought me. I've had sexual contact of some kind with over 200 men, and wasted hours and hours and hours online chatting, emailing, trying to hooking up, rather than investing in my wife and family. Don't glamorize it. It is desperate.

Jake Peacock
Jake Peacock

2500 and counting... BTW American women are the worst at sex :)

Anonymous
Anonymous

"Sex addiction is real. It's all about wanting sex and then feeling empty after you get it. And the only thing that makes the emptiness go away is the pursuit of more sex." Sorry, but no. It's only addiction if it interferes with your ability to meet your obligations. Regret can be a part of addiction, but it is not a defining characteristic. And really, in our culture shame and sex are so intertwined, your definition would make the vast majority of American women sex addicts.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Women are very desperate in NYC. Good, high quality guys are so hard to come by, the guys can pretty much do whatever they want (act like pigs and treat women horribly) and the women just have no other options. Being alone. So if a seemingly nice guy wants to have sex on the second date, well, then it just happens. There are so many amazing women in NYC that for guys it's like shooting fish in a barrel --- easy easy great sex. Too easy!

Anonymous
Anonymous

Sex addiction is real. It's all about wanting sex and then feeling empty after you get it. And the only thing that makes the emptiness go away is the pursuit of more sex. If you're enjoying it and not hurting yourself or anyone else, that's not the same thing.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Sex addiction is real. It's all about wanting sex and then feeling empty after you get it. And the only thing that makes the emptiness go away is the pursuit of more sex. If you're enjoying it and not hurting yourself or anyone else, that's not the same thing.